Page 107 of The Version You Hide

“Why didn’t you talk about her, Dad? There’s so much I don’t know about her.”

He squeezes his eyes shut as though he’s in physical pain.

“Because it killed me to talk about her. It killed me when she left us like that. I had to drink every day just to numb the pain. And it killed me to look at you, because with every passing year, you began to look more and more like her.”

I shake my head, unsure how to take this information. “Is that supposed to make it okay?”

“No, Mac. None of it is okay. None of it.” He turns to me, determination in his gaze. “I’m going to make it right. I’m going to get out of here and I’m going to be the father that you need.”

“You mean the father that Kristen needs.” I spit out the words.

His eyes fill with hurt. “What?”

“You’re doing this for her, right?” I accuse. “I mean, you only got off your ass and came here after her letters arrived in the post.”

A crack tears down my chest as a tear rolls from his eye. “I know I’ve been a terrible father. I know I’ve hurt you both. I’m doing this for both of my girls And I’m also doing it for myself. I’m going to make things right.”

I want to believe him, but past experiences tell me that nothing will ever change. He will never change.

“You said that last time,” I bite out.

“I mean it this time.”

I’m just now beginning to comprehend what Kristen had said about forgiveness. Sometimes we don’t need to forgive someone to release them from their demons. We do it to free ourselves from our own.

I never had the chance to forgive my mother.

I hope that I’ll get the chance to forgive him.

“I need to go,” I say, getting up to leave.

I’ve taken two steps before his gravelly cry stalls my feet in place on the carpet.

“Mackenzie,” he croaks. “I loved her.”

I turn around slowly, unable to hold my tears back anymore.

“I’ve only ever loved two women. Your mother was one of them.” There’s an honesty in his gaze that makes it impossible not to believe him. These may be the truest words he’s ever spoken to me.

I nod once as my lips twist up in a sad smile. The hole in my already fractured heart grows wider, mourning the loss of everything that could have been.

I take one last look at this man who has been to hell and back, walked through fire and had the embers burn their marks into his skin.

And I hope with everything I am that he can find a way to rise from the ashes.

Chapter 32

DYLAN

My phone chimes from the desk in front of me and I slide it across the mahogany, tapping on the screen. My lips curl in a smile when I see that Mackenzie has sent me a text.

Iopen it to find a picture of her blank canvas. Only it isn’t entirely blank anymore. There are blue flecks of paint in different shades strewn across the top half of the otherwise stark white.

MACKENZIE: This starts as counting right?

My grin widens as I type out my reply.

ME: Baby steps. Miss you.

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