Page 92 of Nikolai (Kansas City Reapers)

I paused, grabbing the dress from my suitcase to fiddle with instead of picking at my fingers like an idiot. I felt stupid enough as it was, pouring my heart out to a man I’d only known for a matter of weeks.

He sat in silence, allowing me a moment to find my words, for which I was unbelievably grateful.

“I thought we had a mutual understanding. That’s what it began as. But I guess I was wrong.”

“Why would you think you’re wrong? Did Niko ask to change or end the dynamic?” he asked, his brow furrowing as he picked up a trinket from the bedside table, one I paid no attention to, and began fiddling with it. It seemed he had the same nervous energy I did, needing to fiddle with something when his mind was full of thoughts.

I felt a kinship with him at that moment. He was an even-keeled sort of man, having never shown an ounce of anger, or even annoyance, since the day I’d arrived. Perhaps that’s why I felt I could open up to him.

“No, he didn’t say anything like that.”

“Then why do you think it’s changed?”

“Just because he didn’t say those words to me, doesn’t mean he didn’t say them tosomeone.”Anger and vitriol filled me. All I wanted to do was march down to Niko’s office and give him a piece of my mind. But what good would that do me now?

“So, he told someone else that he wanted to end your dynamic? That doesn’t sound like Niko.”

“Doesn’t it?” I scoffed derisively.

“Not even a little bit. Niko’s incredibly private about that part of his life. Who did he say this to? And how did you hear about it?” There was no judgment or blame in his tone, only curiosity.

“I overheard him on the phone,” I admitted, somewhat shamefully. “I know I shouldn’t have listened at his door, but—”

“I’m not here to judge you, Maddy. Ifyou eavesdropped, then so be it. We all do it sometimes. It’s a big house, but notthatbig, especially with six of us living here, or … five, I guess, since Carrick is away.”

“I went downstairs to convince him… well, to convince him to come back upstairs — not to put too fine a point on it. But before I could even knock on his door, I heard my name. So I listened.”

“And he said he wanted to end the dynamic between the two of you?” His eyes darted back and forth over some unknown thing in the distance. Niko had told me Jax did that whenever he was deep in thought.

“Not in so many words. I’m pretty sure he was on the phone with that detective. Mercado.”

“Okay… interesting. And what did he say, exactly?”

“He said that it was too much. ThatIwas too much. He’s having me moved to another safe house.”

My admission seemed to only trouble him further. He sat up, thinking for a moment, before his gaze turned to me.

“So, I’m packing. Because I’m leaving. Tomorrow.” The words came out with all the rage and fury I felt. Tears still pricked at my eyes, which only made me angrier. I didn’t want to cry. I wanted to rage. But of course, my stupid brain didn’t seem to be able to discern the difference, evidenced by the tear that escaped, running down my cheek for only a second before I swiped it away angrily.

“Maddy, I’m not sure what’s going on with all of that, but if you’re open to it, I’d like to offer some advice.” His kind eyes gave me some small measure of peace as I considered his words. After a moment, Inodded. After all, I didn’t have totakethe advice if I didn’t want to.

“Whatever is going on with you moving to a new safe house… I can’t speak about that. But what I can tell you is that if you leave here without clearing the air with Niko, you’ll regret it.”

“I very much doubt that,” I scoffed, once again choosing anger over my more rational mind.

“I’m serious, Maddy. Take it from someone who has had to live with more regrets than any one man should ever have to. If you leave with all of these things unsaid, youwillregret it. And at that point, it may be too late to change things. Even if nothing comes from it, clear the air. Speak your truth. It’s a powerful thing, speaking your truth.”

“I don’t think I can, Jax,” I admitted in probably the smallest voice I’d ever used. I felt small, though. Small and vulnerable. And I fucking hated every second of it. I didn’t want to be weak like that. I was fierce, strong, and stubborn as all hell. That was the energy I wanted to leave this place with. Not as some feeble and meek mouse, begging a man to choose her. Especially a man who so obviously did not want me here.

“He doesn’t want me to stay, Jax.”

“You don’t know that,” he fought back, but I knew better.

“Jax, I heard him. I heard him say those very words. He said, and I quote,this just isn’t working.Jax, he said it’s too much. ThatI’mtoo much.”

“That really doesn’t sound like the Niko I know, but —”

“Well then, maybe you don’t know him as well as you think you do.” I was being cruel. I knew it, but that didn’t stop me from giving him attitude.

---