Page 87 of Nikolai (Kansas City Reapers)

“What are you saying here, Deacon?” I sighed heavily, resting my elbows on the table as I took in his words.

“What I’m sayin’ is that you’ve changed,” he insisted. I didn’t know what to make of his words.

“I can’t tell if that’s a good or a bad thing,” I chuckled, trying to bring levity to a conversation I truly did not want to have.

“I’m not sure either. Niko, you know I’ve always let you do your thing. You’re suited to running things here and with Triple R. It suits ya. But I’ve seen men get in over their heads before. And, brother, I think you might be in over your head, here.”

I sipped my coffee, the joy I had felt when I came down here this morning quickly dissipating, turning almost sour in my stomach with his words.

“This thing with Maddy… I’m not sayin’ it’s a bad thing,” he said with a heavily burdened sigh.

“But you’re not saying it’s a good thing, either.” The words came out in more grumble than direct speech. Anger, confusion, and the remnants of my earlier joy all swirled around in my stomach. It made me feel sick, guilty, and somehow mad at one of the closest friends I’d ever had. I respected Deacon’s opinions. Hell, often he had a better head on his shoulders than I did.

“It’s more about you losing focus,” he began, leaning his elbows on the table. “This whole thing started as a favor to Quinn. It’s a mission. One I think you’ve lost sight of.”

His words hit me like a freight train. I knew that this was a job. I hadn’t forgotten. Hell, keeping Maddy safe was at the forefront of my mind nearly constantly.

“You’ve lost sight of your professionalism. Even if this isn’t one of our missions through the Corps or even through special ops, it’s still a mission. Professionalism is what keeps us safe. But you’ve lost your head on this one, Niko. And I’d be a bad brother-in-arms if I didn’t call your ass out on it.”

I sat there in silence, having no idea what to say.

“It’s not that I don’t like Maddy. Hell, I’m pretty sure that girl is cut from the same cloth as you. She’s a good woman. But that good woman upstairs deserves protectin’. And you ain’t doin’ your job to keep her safe, man. Not in the way you’re supposed to. You’re the leaderof our little squad here. The others take their queues from you.”

“I understand what you’re saying,” I muttered quietly.

“I hope you do. I’m just tryin’ to look out for you, man. And tryin’ to keep that girl safe. Keep your eyes on a swivel. That’s all.”

Deacon stood from the table, leaving me to my thoughts.

I felt sick to my stomach.

He was right. I had lost sight of what was important. And as much as I wanted to keep Maddy around, she wasn’t here long term. This wasn’t a relationship, it was a mutually agreed-upon dynamic between the two of us. But I had lost the plot. And I needed to find it again.

There was only one thing I could do.

It was time to call Quinn.

I stood from the table, heading to my office with a renewed sense of purpose. Pulling my phone from my pocket after closing the door behind me, I dialed his number. I was ready to right my wrongs.

“Mercado, here,” he answered on the second ring.

“Hey, Quinn. It’s Niko. You got a minute to talk?” I sighed heavily, plopping down in my chair.

“Yeah. From the sounds of it, you’re not about to tell me something good. Is everything okay with Ms. Ayers?”

“No. Things aren’t good,” I muttered, that sick feeling in my stomach swirling and souring like a sickness I could not escape. All the while, thoughts of our time together ran through my mind, making this decision harder than ever.

“Is she safe?” His voice changed, his tone utterly serious.

“Yeah, yeah. She’s safe. Fuck, I should have led with that. It’s not her safety that’s the issue.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, the stress of it all causing my head to throb and pound.

“So, what’s the issue, then?”

“Quinn, I don’t know what to tell you. This isn’t working.”

“What’s not working?” Quinn responded in his normal, calming tone. The man was cool under pressure, and this situation was no exception.

“I just can’t do this anymore. It’s too much.” I knew it was bullshit. Maddy wasn’t too much. Well, not too much trouble, at the very least.

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