Page 104 of Nikolai (Kansas City Reapers)

“Not on your fucking life, Deacon. I’m not letting her out of my sight,” I spat back in a hissed whisper.

“Nikolai, brother. I don’t know what happened. And you don’t have to tell me yet. But she’s in shock. And you probably are, too. Take a minute. Youneeda minute.” He looked back at Maddy, my eyes following suit before turning back to him. “You both do.”

“Will you be okay, Maddy?” I asked, fighting every urge inside me to hole up in this room for the next year, if that’s what it took to keep her safe. I was nearly vibrating with rage, fear, and anxious energy, mixed with a desire to protect her. Ineededto protect her, needed to succeed where I had just so very disastrously failed.

A few moments passed before she nodded her head, almost imperceptibly. It took everything in me not to shove Deacon right out the door, steal his medic bag, and lock him and the rest of the world out. But I listened to the man I’d grown to trust over these past years; the man I called brother. It was not a title easily given, or easily earned.

Grabbing a change of clothes, I headed for my personal en suite bathroom, looking back at Maddy oncemore before I closed the door, giving them privacy and myself a moment to collect myself.

Feeling cleaner,but not any more calm, I made my way out of the bathroom to see Deacon sitting beside Maddy on the edge of my bed, facing away from me. Deacon was whispering to her, his words unintelligible.

Deacon was like a brother to me. We’d been through hell and back in the sandbox together more times than I could count. So why was I filled with this possessive rage, seeing him offering her words of comfort, which was the exact thing I wanted to do?

I cleared my throat, drawing his attention. Maddy didn’t move a muscle, her back still rigid and facing away from me. Deacon glanced at me over her shoulder, a slight nod of his head letting me know he was wrapping up.

“We’ll talk tomorrow, and I’ll redress that bandage, okay?” he said just loudly enough for me to hear. He left her there on the bed, walking over towards the door, where I met him.

“She’s been through a lot, Niko.”

“I know.” It was all I could manage to say.

“I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was… that girl was just put through hell for the second time in less than a month. I’m here if you need me.” I didn’t miss the way his eyes scanned over me, checking for any marks on me that he might need to tend. There was a non-zero chance that I had been less than honest with him in the past, pretending to be fine, when in reality I had some major injury that needed tending.

What could I say? I wasn’t one to be waited on or tended to much. Unless I was dying or something.

“I know,” I reassured him, thanking him with a look instead of words. He left the room, and I locked it behind him. I didn’t need any more interruptions tonight.

Turning to face Maddy, I tried to figure out where to even start, with all the things I wanted to say to her. Adrenaline still coursed through my veins, and I could not make sense of half the thoughts running through my head.

“Maddy, I…” I began, instantly trailing off as my mind failed to find a single complete thought to articulate.

“What, Niko?” she sighed heavily, her voice far more meek and timid than I had ever heard her.

“First of all, are you okay?” I asked her, finally letting my fear and concern for her safety and health come to the surface.

She was quiet for a moment, completely stone still, sitting on the edge of my bed, hands clasped so tightly in her lap that her knuckles were white.

“Why the fuck do you care?”

Whatever response I had expected from her, it sure as fuck wasn’t that.

“Excuse me?” I said, unable to hold back my scoff of derision.

“Did I fucking stutter?” she seethed, so quietly it struck a chord of dread inside of me.

“Why do I care?” I repeated, my voice raising slightly. “Why thefuckdo Icare?!”I almost spat out. The fear andconcern that I had let filter through my stronghold of control immediately receded, making way for the anger and rage that had fueled every decision and every step I had taken since the moment that first shot was fired mere hours ago.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” I nearly shouted, utterly bewildered and flabbergasted by her short retort.

“That’s what I said. Not that you care what I have to fucking say.” The rage lacing her normally sweet, if bratty, voice took me completely by surprise.

“How can you fucking say that? How can you act like that after you… after we just…” I barely managed to stutter out past my incredulity.

“After what, Niko?” she finally said at full volume, her head turning to regard me with such hatred filling her eyes it nearly took my breath away.

“I literally just saved your fucking life, Maddy. I… what… What the fuck?” I finally managed to get out. The emotions that roiled within my gut finally rose to the surface, spilling out without my consent or control. The energy of it all made it impossible to stand still, so I began pacing furiously. It was either that or grab her by the arms and shake some fucking sense into her goddamn head.

“Saved my life? You put meindanger, Niko.” Her vitriolic words flowed like acid, burning to the deepest part of my soul, the part I kept hidden, the part she had somehow crept into over the course of these last weeks. No words could have cut me deeper, I was sure of it.

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