Page 10 of Sniper

I know if I try, I’ll throw up.

My tears fall, and I try to breathe, to keep the vomit down as resentment and anger toward my father for leaving me with the club hit me again.

He left me for a job he didn’t have to take. He left me with people he trusted, and yet here I am, locked up, used as a ragdoll, raped day in, day out.

Some father he is, huh?

I want to say Mom would turn in her grave, but then again, her dad was a brother, too.

My breathing picks up, and I know I can’t keep it down any longer. Trying to move as quickly as I can despite my pain, I try to make it to the toilet but fail. I throw up on the floor, my stomach tightening each time I heave. Barely anything comes out due to the lack of food.

He wants me weak, so I don’t try and leave. Shame on him for underestimating me….

It’s not just me I have to think about.

When I finish heaving, I slowly get up, using the cabinet for support. I leave what vomit came up on the floor and climb into the shower, turning it on and allowing the cold water to hit my skin.

I turn it as hot as it will go before I start to scrub my skin raw, causing some parts of my body to bleed.My tears want to fall, but I don’t let them. I can’t let them, not yet.

Soon….

I stay in the shower until it turns cold, before gingerly climbing out. I grab the towel, step over my vomit, and ignore the mirror. I know I look bad. My body is covered in bruises, bags hang under my eyes, and I’m severely underweight; you can see my ribs.

I guess that’s expected when you’re kidnapped.

Dizziness hits me, causing me to grab the door frame and breathe, waiting for it to disappear before I move again, heading to the bedroom. I don’t look around the room or notice the lack of furniture.

My prison….

After the first time I tried to run from him, this is where he locks me in at night. I guess after a year, he thought I’d give up fighting him and started to leave it open, but I can’t give up. I wanted to, believe me, I did, but I can’t.

Walking into the small closet, the only place there isn’t a camera because there’s no way out in here, I grab the sweats he brought me from my dad’s house, and the sweater, putting them on, before tying my hair up in a messy bun. Swallowing hard, I slip on my sneakers and grab the bag hidden underneath the bed sheets. I’ve had it packed since he took me, but I’ve had to pack and repack it several times. But not today. No, today I finally leave, I’ll finally be free….

Trying to ignore the panic, I leave the room and place the bag near the front door. I was told he’d be riding for about two hours before stopping for a break, so I need to hurry and get far away from here before he checks the cameras.

A cry echoes through the small space, and a few tears fall. I wipe them away and quickly rush to the nursery, my palms sweating.

Slowly, I walk to the crib and peek in, smiling a little at Autumn. She looks exactly like me, and I’m glad.

When I tried to kill myself, finding his razor in his cabinet, Axe took me to a hospital far from here, where they found out I was pregnant.

He knocked me up the first time he raped me, and she was the only reason why he didn’t punish me severally for trying to end my life and nearly killing her.

At first, I didn’t think I could love her. I was scared she’d look like him, have his evil, and that I would be resentful of her. But after I gave birth, I realized she was innocent, and the fire to run with her hit me hard; she became my reason to fight, even without the bond I should feel.

I spent a year figuring out how to leave, and now I have my opening.

Slowly, I pick my girl up, her big green eyes watching me, and I whisper, “It’s time to go, Autumn….”

She’s only a few months old, and yes, Axe raped me anally for the first four weeks after I gave birth. He didn’t care that I’d just pushed a baby from my body. The first day out of the hospital, he didn’t even wait for me to take her to her crib. He didn’t care she saw; he took me as soon as we walked into the door, and then once he was finished, he demanded I sort the baby out when she started screaming, and left, but not before demanding I nurse her and not use the formula the hospital gave me. He wanted me to nurse, but I couldn’t; it was hard to bond with her, knowing how she was conceived.

Through rape and not love….

He left me black and blue when he returned to see her on formula.

Most nights, Axe would leave us, which was a blessing. He thought his old lady would question his whereabouts, so he returned to her as much as possible.

Hannah….

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