Page 43 of One More Time

With Charlotte snoring softly beside Derek, we fell into a companionable silence. He startled me when he asked, “So what’s going on with you and McKenna?”

He’d already met the entire Cannon family. He’d met their mother at Spill the Beans Café and become fast friends.

“What do you mean?” I countered, trying to play it cool.

Derek’s brows hitched up as a sly grin stretched across his face. “Dude, I’m an observant guy. You also lived a few houses down from her, across the street from Phyllis's house. She told me you two had a thing.”

I let my head fall back against the chair cushion, letting out a groan. Lifting my head, I leveled my gaze with his. “For fuck’s sake. Do I seriously have to deal with gossip?”

“I don’t think it’s gossip if it’s me. I’m your brother. I thought you told me everything.” He pressed a palm to his chest in faux outrage.

I rolled my eyes. “Since when do you tell me everything?”

He snorted. Without another word, he circled his hand in the air.

I took a long swallow of coffee before lowering my mug. “We sort of have a thing. It’s nothing serious.”

Discomfort tightened in my chest at that description. McKenna was so much more than that. I knew I needed to be emotionally present for Derek, not getting confused over whether I could have something more with her—even though I had told her very clearly I never wanted anything more with her or anyone.

Derek knew me too well. His smile faded quickly as he studied me. “You like her.” His tone was definitive, confident enough that I wanted to argue.

Once again, I dodged. “Of course I like her. She’s nice. We’re friends.”

“Friends with benefits? Sure, go ahead and fool yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I said you like her, I meant more than just because she’s nice and you’re friends.”

Derek was right, but I didn’t want to entertain that train of thought. “Look, I’m not a good bet. My job isn’t easy on any kind of relationship, and I have to?—”

“Don’t you dare fucking tell me you’ve got to focus on me, or be available for me, or some bullshit like that. You can do more than one thing at a time. You’re just letting your old baggage get in the way.”

“What the hell?” Annoyance spiked inside.

“You know what I mean. That whole mess that went down with Alisha. She was your first serious relationship, and you were ready to go all in. Then she guilt-tripped you about having kids and soured you on trying again.”

I shifted my shoulders uncomfortably, experiencing an old but familiar pang of distrust. It wasn’t like Alisha set out to hurt me, but when she admitted she hadn’t been honest about wanting kids and just assumed I’d change my mind, it had carved deep grooves of cynicism for me. I was fine, fucking fine, about that now. I didn’t want to admit that maybe Derek getting sick again only added to my cynicism. I didn’t trust life, and I didn’t want Derek to be right. “It’s not that,” I said quickly.

“Of course, it’s that.”

Looking back at my brother, I knew he spoke the truth, but it annoyed me. “Is this a side effect of cancer? You being a blunt asshole about stuff that’s none of your business.” My defensive tone was sharper than I intended.

It didn’t rattle Derek. He cocked his head to the side, waggling his brows. “Maybe. It’s me making sure you’re okay before I’m gone.”

His words felt like a fist punching me in the chest. The force nearly knocked the breath clean out of my lungs. “Fuck, Derek.” I ran a hand through my hair with pain lacing my words.

His smile was wry, and his eyes were sad. “Dude, there’s a lot of shit I wish I could do over. I have no idea if McKenna is the woman for you. But you’re a good man with a good heart, and I hate to see you shutting the door to even a chance of having someone do this messy thing called life with you.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but he waved his hand. “And don’t give me the whole firefighter bullshit. Firefighters fall in love, even hotshot firefighters who travel a lot. Life is life. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be alone. I’m just saying that I hate to see you box yourself out of options just because.”

I took a slow breath. “Okay. But I don’t think McKenna wants that. We had an actual conversation after our first night together, and well…” I shrugged.

“Well, she could be a dumbass like you,” he said dryly, drawing a bark of laughter from me.

“We do agree on one important thing.”

“What’s that?”

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