Page 32 of One More Time

I rolled my eyes. “It’s no big deal. Virginity is just a social construct. I mean, technically.”

“Technically? You just said you were technically a virgin. What exactly does that mean?”

I lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “It means that I’ve had plenty of experience fooling around. In the modern era, toys make things a little less of a big deal. I wasn’t saving myself for anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Jack closed his eyes and took a slow breath. I sensed he was maybe confused by this. When he opened them again, he was quiet for several beats. Although my pulse had been working overtime for the last hour or so, it picked up the pace again. I regretted saying anything. To be honest, I didn’t know why I did.

“I shouldn’t have mentioned it. It’s really not a thing.”

“What do you mean by social construct?”

“It was originally turned into an issue, a construct for men, a way to ensure they could confirm paternity. They linked that to women’s purity. This whole thing about the hymen is a joke. You don’t even have to have intercourse or…” I tried to formulate my thoughts.

“Use a vibrator,” Jack interjected helpfully.

When a giggle slipped out, I was relieved to see the tiniest hint of a smile when his lips curled up at one corner.

“Yes. Anyway, for some reason, I decided to mention it to you.”

“Why me?”

That question made me squirm inside just a little bit. I shrugged again. “I’m not sure.”

I was hedging a little, and I knew it. The truth was the chemistry I had with Jack was something I’d never experienced before. I’d given up on ever experiencing anything like that. I’d given up so thoroughly that I’d convinced myself it wasn’t even a possibility.

My response to Jack had me rethinking some of my past assumptions. For example, I had concluded you could maybe get a fluttery belly, and your pulse could race, but it didn’t always mean anything. Sometimes you felt the feelings, but then you kissed someone, and it wasn’t all that great. The chemistry fizzled into nothing but smoke and mirrors.

With Jack, every touch, every look, every moment with him just amped up the feelings. But I wasn’t about to go into all of that with him. That was far more than I wanted to share. Contemplating it, I felt vulnerable and unsure.

Jack pressed his tongue into his cheek. “I think there’s more to the story, and maybe someday you’ll decide you trust me enough to tell me.”

I opened my mouth to argue the point as my cheeks heated. Maybe I would trust him enough to tell him. Right now, trust wasn’t something that came easy.

I didn’t know how, but I dredged up some composure.

Chapter Nineteen

Jack

McKenna stood in front of me with one foot curled over the other. She wore bright blue socks paired with leggings and a fleece sweatshirt that hung below her hips. Her hair was a tousled mess, and her gray-blue eyes were bright. Her skin was still flushed.

“Did you even eat?” Her voice punctured the haze in my mind.

After my electrifying encounter with her, my mind was still blown by her startling statement. Intellectually speaking, I understood her point. Maybe I’d never studied up on the social context around virginity, but it made sense. I realized it didn’t have to be a big deal. Hell, there was nothing glorious about when I lost my virginity. I’d been a senior in high school, and Jenny had been the prettiest girl in the universe ever to me. She’d unceremoniously stomped on my heart when she dumped me a month later for another guy. Oh, to be that young again.

Somehow, inside of a single hour, things had gone beyond just fooling around with McKenna. The situation felt as if it was barreling out of my control. All things considered, she was probably smart to stick with toys. I came with messy, emotional complications. For me, there was also a firm boundary about not getting involved. I had other worries. A job that wasn’t safe and took me away for stretches of time, and a sick brother who was going to come live with me until he died. I didn’t have the bandwidth for any kind of emotional complication.

“Jack?” she prompted.

What the hell had she asked me? Oh right. “I didn’t eat,” I finally said. “Why do you ask?”

McKenna waggled her brows, her eyes tilting up at the corners with her smile. “Because your stomach just growled. I didn’t eat either. Let’s order some pizza.”

Maybe McKenna wasn’t my first, but I experienced a first with her. I didn’t want to just get the hell out of here. After my last serious relationship ended when my ex declared she assumed I’d change my mind about wanting kids (spoiler alert: I still didn’t want kids), I kept scrupulous boundaries. Usually, I was in a rush to make sure there was no confusion, and a part of that meant not spending too much time together. But with McKenna, I wanted to stay. Beyond the fact that she was sexy, delectable, and cute, I liked being around her. I wanted to linger in her presence, and it wasn’t about sex.

Without thinking, I nodded. She declared pepperoni to be her favorite, and I wasn’t about to dispute that point. There was nothing like a good pepperoni pizza. She lifted her phone to dial and hesitated before saying, “Fuck it.”

After she quickly called in our order, I asked, “Fuck what?”

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