“You know why I left,” I defended harshly.
“Oh yeah, you made it perfectly clear when you ran out the door like I was an embarrassing little secret you couldn’t get away from fast enough.” She let out a bitter, caustic laugh. “Shame and regret.” She spit the words out like they were poison. “I know those feelings very well.”
I rocked back on a foot, the impact of what she said slamming into me like a punch to the chest, knocking the wind right out of my lungs.
“You . . . you think I’m ashamed?” I croaked.
She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself protectively. “It’s not what I think. It’s what you said,” she spit back. “You regret what happened. You said it yourself.”
“Rae, I?—”
“Just go.” She turned away from me, but not before I saw the sadness in her eyes. “I have work to finish up and I’m on dinner duty tonight. I don’t have time for this.”
She turned her back on me, making it crystal clear she was finished with the conversation, whether I was or not. I hated the idea of walking away from her, especially now that I knew what she’d been feeling since I walked out her door a week and a half ago. I felt like the biggest piece of shit in the whole world.
I had to make this right, but something in my gut told me this wasn’t the time. I needed to give her some space. Just for a little while. Then I was going to fix this, because the very last thing I felt for her was shame and regret.
Chapter Nineteen
Rae
Itried my best to calm my racing heart as I brushed Sassy down, focusing on slowly counting to ten on each inhale. The anger I felt toward Zach was still at a boil, setting me on edge. I couldn’t believe that asshole’s nerve, accusing me of not behaving like an adult.
“Why are some people such jerks?” I asked Sassy, knowing full well she didn’t understand a single word I was saying. “I mean, can you believe he said that? Talk about being a hypocrite.”
I held on to the rage he’d ignited with both hands, refusing to let it go. Anger was so much easier to deal with. If I clung to that anger, I could forget he’d hurt my feelings. I could forget, despite the humiliation I felt when he ran out on me, I was still harboring a crush that couldn’t seem to go away. Anger was safe. Sadness was something a person could get sucked into and drown. That was a risk I couldn’t take, so anger it was.
As if sensing my mood, Sassy kept hooking her chin over my shoulder and pulling me in like she was trying to give me a hug. Each time she did it, I laughed, feeling my mood lighten bit by bit. She really was the most perfect horse in the whole world.
“All right,” I giggled when she nuzzled at my pockets, looking for peppermints. “I’ve got you covered, sweet girl, don’t you worry your pretty head about it.”
I pulled a mint from my pocket and held it in the flat of my palm for her. She deserved it, for sure. With Hal’s guidance, I’d started my training with her, doing what he called ground work. A few days ago we’d moved to saddling her so she could get familiar with the equipment, but today was the first time I’d actually gotten on her back. I would have been lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I’d seen her toss a couple of the guys off her with the ease of swatting at a fly when I first got here. I didn’t think I’d bounce back from that kind of fall as easily as they did, but just like she’d been from the start, she was different with me. There had been a moment when I climbed on that she’d tensed up, but she relaxed quickly enough after some soothing words and a few strokes of her mane.
We’d taken it slow, just like Hal had told me to do, keeping her at a slow, steady pace until we were comfortable with each other. She’d followed every one of my commands without throwing any of her signature attitude around. It was like she knew when I was on her back, it wasn’t safe for her to mess around, so she saved that for after.
She trusted me and I trusted her, and as I’d guided her around the enclosure, pride had swelled in my chest. That kind of thing wasn’t something you could demand, loyalty and trust like that had to be won. I’d earned that from this magnificent animal by being a safe place for her, as she’d been for me all these weeks I’d been at Safe Haven Ranch.
“None of these guys around here know what they’re talking about,” I said softly, wrapping my arms around her neck and giving her a hug. I breathed in deeply, pulling in a lungful of distinct barn smells, surprised that I actually liked it. The smell, just like the cabin, was becoming a comfort to me. “You’re just the sweetest thing, aren’t you?”
“You’re really good with her.”
I whipped around with a surprised yelp at the unexpected voice. “Oh my God.” I pressed my hand to my chest, resting it over my racing heart and blew out a gust of air. “You scared the crap out of me.”
The man held his hands up in surrender as he continued in my direction. “Sorry about that. I thought you heard me,” he said with an easy grin that dripped with charm. I’d seen that kind of grin a million times. It was a playboy’s grin. The kind that could make a woman believe he was pure innocence before he lured her into his bed and showed her the side that was all sin.
I had no doubt this man was skilled when it came to the art of seduction. That smile, his easy swagger, and the confidence that bordered just on the right side of cocky were proof enough. But no matter how attractive he might have been, there was no flutter in my belly or heat building beneath my skin as he directed that charm at me. Not like there was every time Zach entered a room I was in.
I threw him a quick smile before turning back to Sassy. “It’s fine,” I said as I rubbed the curry comb along her side in a circular motion. One of my favorite parts of this whole experience had been learning to groom my girl. I found the steady rhythm of brushing her out with each different comb helped to clear my head, and I loved how much she enjoyed being pampered. My Sassy girl would have been content to stand there and let me groom her for hours. “You just caught me by surprise is all. You’re Connor, right?”
He stopped a few feet away, resting his shoulder against a wooden beam. His hands were shoved casually in the pockets of his jeans, one booted foot crossed over the other. “That’s me. And you’re Rae.”
“Yep.”
“Pretty name for a pretty girl.”
I shot him a flat look. “Are you flirting with me right now?”
One corner of his mouth hooked up in a smirk. “Depends. Is it workin’?”