Page 109 of Tipping Point

“From this. From you and your brother, from Grace.”

“But you said you read my letter…”

“I opened it last week.”

Shocked silence.

“You didn’t know?”

“I didn’t know.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not.”

“Why?”

“Because I met Cam.”

19

Chapter 19

FINN

“Cam changed everything.” I look at her, but she’s deliberately looking into the monitor.

“How?” Hope asks. “You still…you still tried to take your own life.”

“She asked me a question a long time ago.”

“What was the question?”

I think back to London, her book. The photos of the lighthouse keeper.

“She asked me why it mattered that someone was gone.”

“And what was your answer?”

“I haven’t given it to her yet.”

Camille drags her eyes away from the screen, looks at me, guarded.

“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “It matters only to those who are left behind.”

A grimace of pain flashes over Cam’s face.

I hate that I’m here, in front of these people, the cameras. And yet, I know that if I wasn’t doing this, I would never have gotten the chance to speak to her at all.

I reached out to my therapist last week. Asked him to refer me to someone else. Someone I could maybe connect with. I had expected him to be offended. He sounded optimistic, was happy to recommend a colleague.

She had had one ultimatum to take me on. Honesty.

Camille’s eyes are locked on mine, finally. She is the only real thing I can tether myself to in the room. I have this fear that if she looks away, she’ll never look at me again.

“I’m so sorry, Cam. I thought nothing could conquer my guilt. My hate. And I thought I could keep that part of myself from you, could keep you at arm’s length. I didn’t know you were so…”

Everyone’s eyes travel between me and Cam. My honesty, it’s so raw it’s making them uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable. Dixon shuffles his feet and Jay nods along as I speak.

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