Page 17 of Trip Through Your Wires

“Cheeks,” he laughs. “Those beautiful cheeks glowing. Fuck, I want like ten babies with her.”

“Well, good thing you have the money to hire help because you’re going to need it with that brood.”

He laughs and I do, too.

I wonder what that’s like…dreaming about having kids and a family. I never longed for it. Sure, I have a family. I love my parents and sister fiercely. But having my own kids…it felt dangerous. Plus, I’d never cared for anyone enough to want to have kids with them.

I didn’t do relationships. The one and only girlfriend that I had in high school ended quickly because I wasn’t attached to her the way she wanted. The emotion she wanted me to have, I just didn’t. I never got emotional about any girl.

That wasn’t to say I didn’t love women. I did. The way they smell, talk, walk, laugh. Tall, short, fit, or curvy, doesn’t matter. But I didn’t do the whole connection thing. Especially when it came to sex. I liked to make girls feel good about themselves and did whatever they wanted me to do to achieve that. It wasn’t about getting myself off. It was about satisfying their needs.

But Jenica was different. There was a connection between us. I felt it the first time I saw her and felt it growing the more time that we spent together. She made me think and feel things I hadn’t before, and I had to keep it in check because I didn’t want to lose her friendship.

That’s probably why I went along with the idea that we do not tell Cruz and Ellery about us. Even if our chemistry fizzled, our friendship would still be there and I didn’t want to lose that. Just as she’d come to rely on me, I too, had come to rely on her. I looked forward to her calls each night. I even stopped going out because I didn’t want to miss hearing her voice. She was someone I wanted in my life for the long haul.

“Look.” He grabs my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “I don’t like keeping things from my girl, but I swear I won’t say a word. And you don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to. But please, for the love of God, tell me you’re getting some or I’m going to be seriously worried.”

“We’re not hitting it.” I run a hand through my hair, hating the way it sounds. “And why are you worried?”

“But you just said…”

“There are ways to fool around that don’t involve sex,” I say with exasperation. “You do know that, right? Or do I need to draw you a diagram?”

“Man, fuck you. You know damn well I need no pointers in that department.”

“Yeah, I’m aware, Cabron. The whole house is.”

He flashes me a cocky smile and I can’t help but laugh.

“We fool around. That’s it. It’s…nice.”

“It’s nice?” he repeats. “Man, brother, a hot shower after a long practice is nice. Fooling around is more than nice.”

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to say?”

“Tell me you’re into her,” he says matter of fact.

I drop my arms and take a deep breath. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like?”

“I don’t know.” I place my hands on my hips and look around. “When it first happened, I chalked it up to right time, right place. But then all that shit went down and we became friends.”

“Wait.” Cruz holds up his hand. “Are you talking about last summer?”

I nod slowly. “That weekend you went to Elmhurst. The night I helped her hang up those missing persons fliers for Caleb’s sister. That was the first time.”

“Well, all be damned,” he shakes his head.

I know he’s likely feeling the same way that I did when I first learned he had a stepsister. But the reason I’d kept Jenica from him was completely different than the one Cruz had for keeping Ellery a secret from me.

We didn’t have a tortured past or family dynamics at play. We were the best friends of our best friend’s soulmate. The only thing we had to worry about was feeling awkward around one another for the next sixty years if things went south. When she explained that rationale to me it made sense which is why I didn’t push for anything beyond what she was willing to give.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Cruz asks when I grow quiet.

“I don’t know,” I look back at him. “Maybe because last summer wasn’t about me and Jenica, but you and Ellery.”

“And now?” he asks.

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