Page 98 of The Matchmaker and the Marine

“Honestly, I didn’t think that far ahead and, in my defense, I’ve wanted to tell you.”

She threw up her hands. “That doesn’t make a bit of sense. We have spent so much time together over the last few months. There wasn’t one time where you couldn’t have said, ‘Mel, we need to talk about something serious.’”

He stammered, “I-I...”

Mel leaned forward. “Talk to me. I mean, really talk to me. Not what you think I want to hear.”

Adam’s gut tightened. How could he tell her what he was really feeling inside? The panic. The fear. What the hell, he had nothing to lose. Except her. On the other hand, maybe he would finally be free to let go of the past.

As if sensing his struggle, she said, “Adam, I would never judge you, but we can’t move forward unless we are both totally honest with each other. That’s how a relationship works, complete and total honesty.”

Taking a deep breath, he said, “I don’t know if I can really let someone into my life. My identity was entwined with my persona as a Marine. When I had to retire and learn how to live life as a disabled person, I was devastated. There isn’t any part of me that remained the same. Before the accident. Career, body, relationships, gone.”

“You said there is no such thing as a former Marine.”

He laughed, but it sounded hollow even to himself. “You listened.”

She gave him a look that made his laughter die. “I’m serious. Your friendship with Will has endured and I’m sure there are others. Look at how you carry yourself every single day. You are a good man, kind, respectful and loyal.”

“It’s nice you feel that way, Mel, but I’m seriously flawed. There are times when I’m not strong, when I lean on Will, like when I cut my hand. He had to help me get my leg off and on for the first couple of days. I couldn’t even do that by myself.”

“Good friends are there when another needs help and support.”

He shrugged. “I’ve counted on him more times than I care to admit.”

“If the roles were reversed, what would you do?”

“I know all of this but…” His voice trailed off as he noticed her face looked different somehow. Like he was really seeing her for the first time as Dr. Grayson. “This isn’t a therapy session.” He shot to his feet and began to pace. “I’ve been on the couch before—this isn’t what I wanted our conversation to be about.” He pounded his chest. “This is personal.”

Mel leaned back and waited. Adam could feel his temper spiking. “Mel, we’re supposed to be talking about why I didn’t tell you.”

“We are.”

“No. You’re dredging up how I feel about myself.”

Firmly she said, “You can’t move forward if you’re stuck in the past.”

He snorted. “That’s rich from the woman who won’t date because she says she had her one great love. It’s like you stopped living when you buried John.”

The moment he said those words in anger he instantly regretted them. He sat next to Mel and took her hand. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was insensitive and—”

Mel put her finger against his lips. “And true.” She took her hand away and said, “After I told you about the day John died, I’ve thought about my life. Moving here was a way to put distance between me and the memories that were too hard to face. I never expected to make wonderful friends and feel at home in this small coastal town. John would want me to be happy again. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the idea that it’s okay to even think about dating. It’s not betraying his memory or diminishing our life together.”

“Does this mean you’re ready to move on?” He wanted her to say yes.

“It does.” She gave him a tiny smile.

“That’s great.” He grinned and then his face fell. He went from happiness to sad in a split second. “This is why you’re pushing me. I need to be ready too.”

“Adam, I care for you, a great deal. I’m still hurt that you didn’t feel you could trust me. But I get it. Moving forward, I expect you to be completely honest with me, and that when direct questions are asked, they are answered truthfully.”

Adam got up again and walked to the window. He stood there looking out in the dark night. All he could see was the hurt in Mel’s eyes. How could he avoid that again if he didn’t let his warts show? In a split second he made up his mind.

“Mel, I need to show you something.”

Hesitantly she said, “Okay.”

Adam’s heart thundered in his chest. He was going to be brave and bare all.

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