Page 185 of Emerald Malice

“Thank you, Doctor. Um, can I have a moment?” As he starts to rise, it takes all the energy I have to lunge forward to grab his wrist. “And can you not mention this to Andrey? I’d like to… I want to tell him myself.”

He nods and leaves us alone.

The second the door is closed, I drop my head into my hands. My friends shift closer, and I wonder in a dull panic if they can hear my thoughts. If they know what I’m considering.

“Natty… I know that having twins is a lot, but you can handle this,” Katya assures me. “I know you can.”

“And we’ll help you, you know,” Mila adds.

“Exactly! We’ll be on hand for babysitting duties whenever you need,” Kat chimes in.

A crackle of dark laughter bursts through my lips as my hands drop. “If either one of you is even alive to babysit these twins.”

Mila gasps, but Kat is already shaking her head. “I knew you would do this,” she says. “I knew you’d find a way to blame yourself for what happened.” Her jaw is squared now, her eyebrows pinched together. “Don’t do this, Nat.”

“They targeted all of you because they wanted to get to me,” I rasp. “Even if I’m safe, the people I love won’t be. That’s what they told Aunt Annie. If you think the message wasn’t supposed to get to me, then you’re delusional.”

Swinging my legs off the bed, I spring up, feeling lightheaded but pushing through it. I’m done shutting down when I should be fighting back.

Even if fighting back means…

Leaving.

“What’s going on with you?” Katya asks, planting herself in front of the door.

I avoid her eyes. “It doesn’t concern either one of you.”

“She’s thinking of leaving?” Mila guesses.

“No.” Kat shakes her head. “Even Nat wouldn’t be that much of a martyr to—” But her eyes slide to my guilty face, and she stops short, the words dying on her tongue. “Jesus Christ, Nat. You are. You’re thinking about it. You can’t leave. Do you know how much danger you’ll be in if you do?”

“None if I disappear. No one will be able to track me down. I can raise my children somewhere far away, somewhere they’ll be safe. Away from the politics and the guns and the never-ending violence.”

Away from Andrey.

My heart cracks, but I shut that thought out for now. Because the more I talk, the more I realize: I’ve made my decision.

I just have to make peace with it.

“Andrey will protect you!” Mila cries out.

“He can’t protect me from everything. From everyone. Tonight has proven that. I mean, we’re surrounded by enemies—Slavik, Viktor, Nikolai, God only knows who else. They’re all out for blood, and I’m not prepared to sacrifice my children.”

“But… Andrey,” Mila tries again.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about him. It doesn’t matter how he feels about me.” I place both hands on my stomach. “This is about protecting my babies.”

Mila and Katya glance at one another. They both look lost for words.

“Listen, I’m asking for nothing but your silence,” I tell them. “You can disagree with me all you want. You can judge me. You can even hate me. Just don’t rat me out to Andrey. Please.”

“Are you really going to do this?” Mila whispers.

“It might take some planning. And some time. But I know I have to try.”

Then Katya inches forward, her bottom lip trembling. “I’m the one who put this idea in your head, aren’t I? When I first found out you were pregnant, I said I’d leave with you. But I didn’t know Andrey. I didn’t know… I didn’t have…”

“Shura,” I finish for her, taking her hand.

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