Page 57 of Emerald Vices

Maria’s older sister, Raisa, pulled me aside later and said what I knew everyone else was thinking: “This was your fault, Andrey.”

I couldn’t even argue. I didn’t try.

“I told her to leave you, you know?” Raisa looked towards the closed casket like she could see Maria beneath the glossy wood. “I begged her to leave you a hundred times. She didn’t listen.”

“I wish she’d listened to you.”

Raisa’s eyes flashed with anger. “She didn’t know any better, but you did. You should have done the right thing and left her. It would’ve broken her heart, but at least she’d be alive.”

That was the last time I saw any of them.

I never stopped sending Mrs. Balakirev the money. She gets a monthly check from me and will for as long as I’m alive to make sure it happens. But I stayed away from them, the way Raisa wanted.

Which is why I haven’t been to Maria’s gravesite since the burial.

I place the bouquet of calla lilies next to the wreath and run my fingers over her name etched into the marble. I blink once and the words start to transform. Instead of Maria’s name, I see: Here rests Natalia Boone…

I yank my hand back, clench it into a fist.

“Fuck,” I growl, dropping my head into my hands.

The wind blows harder. The trees overhead shed their brittle leaves, each rasping against my cheek as they skitter down like fingers rotted to the bone. It’s getting colder, but I refuse to move.

I came here for a reason.

Reaching out, I touch my fingers to her name again. The frigid rock. The hard grooves.

“I didn’t think I was capable of love before you,” I whisper to her gravestone. “Somehow, you showed me what I was capable of. I’m sorry, Maria. I thought I could close myself off again. I thought I could shut down the part of me that you opened up. But I guess it doesn’t work that way. Someone else got in through the cracks you left open. And…” I trail off, my chest tightening painfully. This is why I came here. “She’s important to me, Maria. She might be my redemption. My last chance.”

The wind stills. The whole world holds its breath.

“But for that—” I get to my feet. “—I have to let you go.”

I stand there a few seconds longer. The clouds overhead break up just enough to let a slice of sun steal through. Warmth washes over me.

I won’t be back here again. But it’s enough to know that the person who brought those pink and purple petunias will be.

Knowing she won’t be alone makes it easier to walk away.

23

NATALIA

When Andrey pushes through the front door, I half-expect it to be raining. For lightning to flash behind him and the power to flicker out.

He looks like a ghost.

His eyes are drawn and haggard, his face paler than I’ve ever seen it before. His fingers twitch and paw at the empty air by his sides as if he’s desperately looking for something to cling onto, but finding nothing.

A second ago, Misha was telling Aunt Annie about the new trick he taught Remi, but now, the table is silent as we all stare towards the door.

It’s Aunt Annie who breaks the silence. “Andrey, you’re just in time. Pilav made us steak and roast veggies. Join us.”

My jaw drops when he nods and takes the seat at the head of the table. Remi wriggles his way between the table legs to give Andrey’s hands a quick sniff and a shy lick before he slinks back to lie on Misha’s feet.

“How was your day?” Annie asks.

I’d say something, but I’m too busy staring at the dark circles under his eyes. He’s death warmed over.

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