Page 36 of Emerald Vices

I run a hand through my hair, avoiding her eyes so I don’t explode. “I can’t keep having the same goddamn fight with you over and over again, Natalia.”

“And yet, when I tell you I want more freedom, more autonomy—when I tell you I want to freaking leave—you increase my security, shadow my every move, and force me to live under your roof.” She rises and glides forward until her feet touch the bare floor. “If you want to stop fighting, you have a weird way of showing it.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have enacted all those precautions if they weren’t necessary.”

“So I’m supposed to just trust you? Here’s some news for you, Andrey: I haven’t trusted you since the day we fucking met.”

She spits the words at me, her breathing coming in harsh bursts, her eyes narrowed. But her anger falters for just a second when I step closer. She pulls back like she thinks I might hurt her, and fuck, maybe she’s serious. Maybe she really doesn’t trust me.

“I know exactly what’s at stake here, lastochka. Considering you were so recently Nikolai’s prisoner, you should, too.”

I wait for my point to seep into her pretty little head and make some difference—for her to realize how much I don’t want her to end up like Maria—but it’s like there’s an invisible wall between us. No matter what I say, nothing makes any difference.

She lifts her chin. “You’re just trying to trap me here.”

“Jesus Christ, woman, I was prepared to let you go!”

The furious words explode out of me, but when Natalia responds, she’s not meeting fire with fire. It’s disdain she gives me instead. Venomous, desert-dry disdain.

“You really expect me to believe that?”

“Do you really think I didn’t know about your ‘plan’ to escape?” I hiss, moving closer still.

Her breath catches in her throat. Her eyes go wide.

I hold her gaze for a second before I continue. “Mila and Katya didn’t have to say a word because Shura was standing just outside the door. I knew from the start that you wanted to leave. And if you don’t believe anything else I’ve said to you, believe this: I was prepared to let you go.”

Her breath squeaks out in a single word. “Why?”

A cruel bite of laughter escapes my lips. “Because I failed to protect you. I let you down and you felt that leaving me was the only way to give our children any kind of future. I understood that.”

“You would have just let me go?” she breathes, her brows knitting together. “Just like that?”

“No. Not ‘just like that.’” I trail my fingers through a loose strand of hair that hands carelessly down her shoulder. “How could I live with myself without making goddamn certain you would be alright?”

“You were going to watch me.” It’s not a question, but a revelation. Hoarse and trembling, it sounds like it’s an effort for her to talk at all. “That’s not letting me go, Andrey.”

I shake my head. “You would never have known we were watching. You could have lived the quiet suburban life you wanted… but from the shadows, I’d make sure you were always, always safe.”

She searches my face, hunting for the lie, but I stare back at her, waiting for the truth to sink in.

“I was fully prepared to let you go, little bird. But Yelena—” She flinches at the name. If I were a weaker, less trained man, I’d probably do the same. “Yelena forced me to realize something: just because I was prepared to let you go doesn’t mean everyone else would. Nikolai, Viktor, Slavik—they’re all out for blood. And the best way to draw my blood is to go after yours.”

My fingers curl around her infuriatingly bare throat, and I pull her into me until we’re flush. Until her soft curves meld with my hard lines. She’s trembling, but she doesn’t fight. If anything, she arches into me ever so slightly.

“You’re stubborn and desperate for independence, but your life is tied to mine now, lastochka. For better or for worse.”

She shakes her head. “There has to be another way.”

“There is no other way,” I warn. “Don’t you see?”

“No. As a matter of fact, I don’t.”

“Like I said: stubborn.” Scowling, I draw my thumb over her full lower lip. I’m so hard it aches. “It seems you don’t want to believe that I have your best interests at heart.”

She swallows. The air between us goes taut.

“So I’ll just have to show you.”

---