Page 30 of Emerald Vices

“You’re supposed to be my friend!”

“I am!” Katya wails. “We all are. We love you, Nat, and we can all see that you’re struggling. Right, Mila?”

Mila shrinks down in her seat like she might be able to escape notice, but she sighs when everyone turns to look at her. “Kat’s right: we do love you. We just want you to get to a place where you can face your demons head-on.”

“I don’t have demons.” Her fury sputters, drowned out by a barely-concealed sob. “What I have is a bunch of friends who don’t have my back.”

“Natalia.” Annie’s voice is quiet and calm, but Natalia’s eyes snap to her as if she’d yelled. “That’s not fair.”

“What would any of you know about it?” she demands, a single tear sliding down her cheek. “None of you understand what I’ve been through!”

“Because you won’t talk about it!” Katya interjects, a little more forcefully than the last time. “Which is why therapy might help.”

Natalia ignores Katya and turns her accusing gaze on me. “I don’t know how you managed to hoodwink all of them, but it won’t work on me. You’ve interfered in my life enough. I’m not about to let you do any more damage.”

There it is. Damage. The crux of all our problems.

“I’m only trying to help repair the damage I’ve caused, lastochka,” I try again.

She shakes her head as Remi bounds towards her and licks her hand in consolation. “Just stay away from me, okay?” Her gaze sweeps over the whole room. “All of you.”

Then she runs out into the dark garden with Remi at her heels.

13

ANDREY

I can just about make out their silhouettes from my office window.

Aunt Annie braved the wet grass with her walking stick to follow Natalia out to the backyard, and I think guilt alone forced Natalia to stay put and listen to her.

At least, I hope she’s listening. She won’t stay within earshot of any of the rest of us, and the devil only knows what she intends to do next.

Remi is sitting between them, barking occasionally at the bats taking flight overhead.

I feel helpless. Useless. Marooned at a distance, unable to wade into Natalia’s thoughts and beat the fucking brakes off the demons haunting her.

Something has to puncture through that thick skull of hers. But my usual brute force isn’t getting anywhere close.

“Knock, knock.” Mila sticks her head through my door. “Can I come in?”

“Only if you have something important to say.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Everything I say is important, Andrey. Otherwise, I wouldn’t say it.”

Suppressing a sigh, I gesture her inside. “What is it, Mila?”

“I know it’s frustrating, but you have to be patient with her,” Mila advises. “She’s not thinking straight at the moment.”

“Is she ever?” I ask bitterly.

Mila ignores my grouchiness and glances out the window. “Ah, you’ve been spying.”

“It’s just a nice night, that’s all. I’m inspecting how the new grass is coming in.” I shove my hands in my pockets. “How did it go when you tried to talk to her? Did she hear you out or did she shoot you down?”

“Head shot, immediate kill. I retreated before I got a word in.”

“Coward.”

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