Page 58 of Here In Your Arms

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been on edge since you came to pick me up. Something’s on your mind.”

“How in the world do you see me so clearly?” I ask, dumbfounded. It’s obviously not what I originally wanted to talk about, but it just popped out. She reads me like we’ve known each other for years, not weeks.

She shrugs. “I dunno. I guess some people have that connection. Clearly, we have it if I’m accurately reading you so well. Plus, you keep tapping your fingers against your legs.”

“Well, part of me wants to tell you to stop, but the bigger part of me is grateful for it. It’s nice to be seen. My fingers are also extremely talented.” I chuckle.

She giggles and leans over, her head tilted toward me, and I take the hint. My lips meet hers in a soft, brief kiss, but I make sure to kiss her like I mean it, even if it is short. Her eyes stay on me as she grabs another pretzel, and I’m struck again by how beautiful she is.

I clear my throat. “Well, I wanted to make a point to apologize to you.”

“What for?” She’s obviously surprised at what I’ve said and looks confused.

“I left your apartment when you needed me. I’m sorry I did that. I should have stayed and tried to fix things or make it better. If I’m being honest, I completely panicked and just assumed you wanted me out.”

Rory sits up all the way and turns her body to face me, sitting with her legs crossed. Her face is set into a serious expression and I’m a little worried that she’s going to tell me we’re done.

“I’m going to tell you something real important, so you better listen good, Whes.”

My lips pull into a smile when she says my name like that, and I turn to face her the same way she’s facing me. Can’t be that bad if she’s saying my name that way.

“You can’t fix that. There’s nothing to fix, and there’s nothing you can do to make it go away. It’s part of me, part of who I am, and you cannot blame yourself for my bad days. I don’t blame you for panicking or acting how you did. We’ve never had that situation before. I didn’t have a chance to talk it through with you.”

I grab her hands. “I know I can’t fix everything. Well, I mean, I guess I know now. I get it. I just didn’t fully realize what was happening, nor did I understand what you needed. I don’t want you to think that I’m going to bail when things get hard, because that’s not how I am normally. I’m really sorry.”

“I can tell that your apology matters to you, so I accept it and I do forgive you. I also want you to believe that I never blamed you, not even for a minute. While I wish you had stayed, there wasn’t anything you could have done to prevent it or stop it. I also wasn’t in a place where I could communicate that, so how could you have known?”

“Okay.” I pause, my thumbs rubbing circles on her hands before I continue. “Will you tell me about it? I want to understand.”

She sits up straight and pulls her hands away. I’m worried I’ve upset her, but she reaches for her bottle of lemonade and takes a sip, fiddling with the bottle after she does. I wait patiently and she takes a large breath before exhaling.

“I don’t know that anyone has ever really asked me about it before. My parents know it happens, but my dad has never cared to try to help and my mom tells me to just stop being sad. Not terribly helpful. I’ve always struggled with being a little more ‘down’ than most people I know. There’s always this weight on me. Most days it’s bearable, but I can usually tell when it’s going to be bad.

“The day you were over, it felt like it was going to be a bad day, but when I saw you, I thought maybe it wouldn’t hit. You make me happy, so I figured between you being there and us having so much fun, it wouldn’t hit me as hard.”

She gives me a rueful smile. “Apparently, I was wrong. It hit out of nowhere while we were snuggling, and I just couldn’t hold myself up anymore. I didn’t want to trap you with my head on your lap, so I went the other way.”

My eyes feel like they’re stinging during her entire explanation, but when she says she didn’t want to trap me, a few tears escape. Maybe it’s not very manly to cry, but I never claimed to be macho about that kind of thing. This woman who has captured my heart, hurts almost daily, and all she deserves is the best life has to offer. On top of it, she put me first in a situation where she shouldn’t have to. My heart cracks just thinking about it.

She looks up at me when I’m silent, and her eyes widen in surprise when she sees my tears. Her hand reaches up and gently wipes my cheeks clean, my eyes completely stuck on her face. My hand grabs hers before she can fully pull back.

“Next time, please trap me. Keep me close until you don’t need me anymore.”

Her eyes fill with tears at that and start to fall. She huffs a small laugh. “Some date this is. We’re both crying.”

I chuckle and wipe the tears from her cheeks now. “At least we’re doing it together.”

She grins at me, and I pull her close to place my lips on hers. I try to convey all the feelings I have for her in the kiss, holding her head where I want it and massaging her lips with mine. Our tongues tangle, and I make sure to keep control of the kiss, but still keep it gentle. I want her to know that I’ll always be here for her, and I’ll be as soft as I need to be for her.

We break apart, and she smiles at me. “Thank you.”

“For what?” I ask.

“For asking about it. Being here with me. For seeing me. For being you. All of it.”

I give her one last kiss, then we finish eating before we pack up the picnic supplies. Once they’re safely in the cab of the truck, I grab her hand and we go for a walk, enjoying the sunshine and people watching. A sense of peace falls over me as we go, and I savor every moment together. Our conversation is easy and even when we fall silent, it’s never uncomfortable. She feels like home and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep her.

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