Page 50 of Here In Your Arms

N: I can’t do that, you know this. You need me.

N: E, you need to respond to me. I know you don’t really want to be left alone. I know how you need to be loved.

N: Seriously you better text me back or I’m gonna get pissed. You can’t just say something and then go silent.

N: Swear to god you better fuckin message me back or I’m going to remind you how to respect men. I know you work tonight.

My body freezes, and my brain stops working temporarily. I don’t want to respond to him, but will he keep escalating?

Maybe I should call the guys. No, I don’t need to call them. I don’t want to burden them with this, and I can handle it.

He’s mostly harmless and he can’t get me at work, as long as someone else is there. I just need to make sure I’m not alone. I can do that. If I respond, I know he’s just going to keep going, so I decide to ignore them.

Decision made, my body starts to feel heavy and I’m sure I’m coming down from my happy high from the last day with the guys. Fuck, this is exactly what I was trying to avoid. This calls for some serious TV therapy. I need to unplug my brain for a while before going to work.

I set an alarm on my phone, put on an old movie, lie down, and zone out. The movie playing in the background provides some comfort; it’s something I’ve seen a million times, like an old friend. I can let myself go without worrying that I’ll miss something or that I’ll be startled by whatever happens in the movie.

I know he’ll be there when I get to work, he always is, but maybe if I unplug for a bit, I’ll feel more capable of dealing with him. With that thought, I fully let my mind go, letting it wander wherever it wants and letting my gaze fix on a point on the TV. Happy memories from the guys start to filter in and somewhere in the back of my mind, I hope those are the only thoughts that stay.

Chapter 18

Kyle

The last few weeks with Rory and Wes have been almost too good. I don’t always trust a good thing. I do trust Wes, and I’m starting to trust Rory. She’s definitely hiding some stuff. I know it’s still early enough that we are all hiding some parts of ourselves, but it feels a bit deeper with her. Especially regarding Baldie.

Thoughts plague me for the next few days, and I feel like I need to talk to someone about it, but who? I know Wes is always there, but he and Rory seem to have their groove figured out. I don’t want to cause doubts for him, I just want to feel secure in my role in the relationship. I want to feel okay about how things have been going without the doubt creeping in.

I’m wrapped up in these thoughts, trying to figure out what to do, when I hear the knock on my office door. A glance at my clock tells me that today should be done, so I don’t feel too bad about being caught deep in thought. Looking up, I see it’s Graham.

“Hey Graham, how can I help you?”

“Hey, I was passing by on my way out and you looked deep in thought. Hate to break you out of it, but I, uh, wondered if you need to talk?”

“Oh, uh, thanks…”

We sit there in semi-awkward silence. Generally, dudes don’t get touchy-feely with each other unless they know each other well, and I’m not sure how serious he is. He offered before, but I never took him up on it. Does he want to hear me bitch about my new relationship? He laughs a little and I can tell he knows that I’m unsure about this and explains further.

“I know, it sounds kind of ridiculous, but when my sister had some issues a while back, I started working on communication shit.” He sounds a little tortured by this fact.

I can feel my face smiling even though I’m trying to keep it straight. “Sounds like you really enjoy it.”

He laughs a little. “Yeah, not my favorite, but you know, self-growth and all that. Anyway, if you need to talk, I’m around.”

Something tells me he’s someone I can trust. He’ll listen without judgment and even if he doesn’t have advice, it will be nice to voice my insecurities to someone neutral. Maybe he’ll tell me to shut the fuck up and get over myself. Graham nods once and turns to leave when I stop him.

“Graham!” He turns, an eyebrow raised. “Why are you offering to talk to me about personal shit?” I can’t help but ask.

Graham sighs as he thinks. “It’s been a long time since I tried to reach out and be friends with someone. It’s a little selfish, but I generally like you, so I figured it would be worth at least offering to get to know you and be there for you.”

“You tryin’ to use me to get a promotion?”

“No, honestly, I’m not. I know why you think that; I know the rumors that I’m a suck up. Admittedly, I’m ambitious, and yes, I could learn a lot from you, but this is me honestly just trying to be friendly,” he says with a shrug.

We’re silent for a few beats before I ask, “Wanna grab a drink?”

He smiles a little. “Sure.”

We end up at a bar closer to the office than Jerry’s. As much as I want to suggest Jerry’s, I know that seeing Rory will probably just confuse me more, not to mention distract me, so I steer us away from that when Graham asks. It’s nice, this place, nothing fancy, but it’s clean and the staff seems good. Our drinks get delivered to our table and Graham levels me with a look, taking a sip of his own drink.

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