Page 19 of Here In Your Arms

“For sure! I know a few girls who would love you,” she says, smiling widely.

“You this friendly with all your bartenders?” I ask her, smirking.

She laughs. “Only the cool ones who hit on me.”

This time she catches me off guard, and I laugh loudly. I’m not great with people I don’t know well. Today’s a decent brain day, but the bad ones always drive people off, so I gave up on friends a while ago. Might be nice to meet a few people who only expect me to sling drinks. I can handle that kind of friendship, no messy ties or feelings.

Even before Nathan, I didn’t keep friends long, and Nathan made sure to chase away any remaining friends I had. Nobody wants to be around a depressed chick, and why fight for her time when she clearly won’t give it to anyone? No, better to bail. My heart aches, wishing I did have some friends, and I hope I can at least count Morgan and her friends as people I can talk to at work.

I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise as I turn to get the next drink ticket that comes in. He’s still watching me. Steeling myself, I decide I’m not going to give in and look. Nope, I’m gonna keep doing my thing. He doesn’t need my attention. My brain doesn’t get the memo, though, and I end up glancing over to see his angry eyes boring into me. Why can’t he just stop?

Chapter 8

Rory

My eyes travel to my phone again. It’s been three days since I took Wes and Kyle’s numbers. I’ve been debating texting them. I’m not sure I want to get my hopes up. They seem great, but he did at first too. I’m not naïve. I’m aware it was abuse, but I don’t really trust myself not to be that stupid again. If there’s two of them, it could be twice as bad. At first things would be fine, but they’ll suck me in and chip away at me. Strip me down to nothing inside and keep me there, unable to breathe or think. My depression will never lift if that happens again; I just know it. I had managed to pull out of it sometimes when I was with him, but I’m don’t think I could do it again.

My fingers make the decision for me and before I fully grasp what I’ve done, I’ve entered both their numbers into my phone. Whes! and Pool God now make up two of my contacts. I pull up a new chat thread and take a few deep breaths. Not everyone in the world is an abusive asshole. I know this. I am bigger than this. I’ll never know if I don’t try, or I’ll have blue lady balls for life.

My vibrators do a good job, but it’s not the real thing. I exhale a big breath and start typing.

Me: Hi. I’m not sure if you guys remember me, but this is Rory. From the bar?

Why did I ask? I mean, I’m from the bar. It’s not a question. Stupid, overthinking girl brain. I stare at my phone, willing them to reply so I don’t feel stupid. The longest minute of my life passes, and I see those three magical dots appear. My stupid stomach does backflips in excitement.

Whes!: Hey! Rory! I’m so glad you texted!

Me: Yeah, sorry, it took me a few days to get to it.

Whes!: Not a problem, we totally get it. How have you been?

I’m confused. He wants to know how I am? I figured he would want to get right into planning a date or something. Do guys actually care about that kind of thing? Does he really want to know, or is he just being polite? I take a guess since I’ve been socially cut off for a while now.

Me: Oh, uh, okay, just working and all that adult stuff… how about you?

Pool God: Hey pretty girl, we’ve been keeping busy. Wes over here wanted to keep visiting you at work but I told him not to freak you out.

Whes!: Oh you’re gonna get it now, making me look desperate. Spoiler alert: I am for Rory.

I smile and shake my head. Wes is clearly the joker here. Kyle has his humor; it’s just a little more subtle, but he feels like a solid foundation I could just rest against.

Me: You guys are ridiculous *smiley face*

Pool God: I do want to hear about your week, but I am dying to know if you’ll grace us with your presence.

Me: Um, sure? When?

Whes!: You don’t have to sound so excited *winking face* We always like to go to the festival they have downtown this time of year. Would you like to join us? We can meet you there if you’re more comfortable with that.

Pool God: We’re also happy to drive to save on gas or if you just don’t want to deal with driving. It’s completely up to you.

Me: Oh. Well… How about I meet you there?

I want to be able to escape. Sometimes the crowds get overwhelming, and I can’t handle the energy. I don’t want to burden them with that. Plus, if it turns out I’m wrong, I have some independence to get away.

Whes!: Sounds awesome!

Whes!: How about 10am on Saturday? Is that too early?

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