Page 61 of Sweet Anarchy

Ronnie's funeral is being held in the mountains, the same direction that Phoebe got married. He loved being outdoors and was always going on adventures.

There's a small field near a pond up in the mountains, where campers and hikers frequent. As we pull up next to other cars on the gravel, I can spot Phoebe and Connor near the small gathering of people.

Chairs have been set up overlooking the water, under the shade of some trees. There's an officiant dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and I snort, realizing Ronnie even picked the outfit.

I look around at the parked cars when I step out of the Aston Martin, frowning when I don't spot the Jeep. Blake slides his hand into mine, leaning down to my ear.

"I'm sure he'll be here soon. But for now, you have us."

I give him a little nod, trying to hide my disappointment. I want nothing but to apologize to Zayn and give him a big hug. I had expected him to try to come and talk to me last night, but he didn't. Either I hurt him really bad or he's truly just giving me space.

Phoebe looks up as I approach, her face hidden by sunglasses. She's trying to hide her red eyes, but her cheeks are puffy and tear stained. I pretend not to notice, giving her a squeeze.

"Hi, Phoebs. I'm so sorry," I say quietly.

"Thanks, Ry. I'm happy you're here," she replies sadly, looking behind me to Asher, Blake and Chuck. "Thanks for coming."

I nod. "I wouldn't be anywhere else. We're here if you need anything."

Phoebe's mom and sisters come over, giving me a quick hug as I mutter my condolences. I introduce them to the guys briefly before letting the family move on to other guests.

Asher grabs my hand, leading over to some seats. "Are you okay?"

"No," I answer honestly. "But I will be."

I sit between Blake and Asher while Chuck stands off to the side, leaning against a tree. My eyes keep darting to the field entrance whenever I hear a vehicle approaching, my heart aching in disappointment every time it's not the Jeep.

"He's not coming," I mumble to Blake. "Is he?"

Blake frowns. "I'm sure he's just been caught up and is on his way."

He tries to reassure me but I can see it on his face and hear it in his tone that he doesn't believe it either.

The officiant motions for everyone to take their seats so we can get started. No more vehicles arrive and as he starts talking about Ronnie's life, pointing to the urn next to the podium, tears slip down my cheeks.

We cry for all we've lost, for everything we've known and loved.

I cry for Ronnie… for Phoebe… for her family.

And I cry for all I've lost, realizing I've pushed away one of the most important people in my life. The reminders that life is too short, fill me with guilt.

Phoebe and her sisters stand, heading to the urn. They take it down to the water, letting him fly free in the wind. And I realize something else.

The guys have always let me be free, not holding me back.

I'm going to make it right with all of them, especially Zayn. I nearly lost Chuck before he could tell me he loved me. I'm not going to waste another second because as I watch Phoebe's heart break, I know I still have time with the people I love, a luxury that can be taken away by life so quickly.

Chapter 19

Zayn

I watch Rylee run away, her hands curled into fists as she bolts up the stairs. The door slams shut after her, echoing through the house as footsteps approach the den.

"What the fuck was that about?" B asks, looking towards the stairs.

I turn, giving him a small shrug. "She's just a little stressed. Best we give her some space."

Blake raises an eyebrow before nodding. "Tomorrow is going to be a hard day for her. Will you be back in time?"

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