Page 53 of Sweet Anarchy

I shrug. "Fine, I guess."

Blake heads over to me, turning me around to face him.

"It's okay if you're not okay. No one expects you to be right now."

"I'm just overwhelmed," I tell him, looking away. I can feel the emotions threatening to bubble over, and right now, I might break if any of them try to look inside.

Blake senses my uneasiness, stepping back slightly to give me some space. "That's understandable. What do you need from us right now?"

"Nothing," I answer, shaking my head. "I just need to ride this through and I'll be okay. Thanks, though."

He nods. "Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"I don't know," I say honestly. "Yes… no. I'm probably not much fun to be around anyway."

Blake lets out a huff. "Oh, come on. You're always a vibe to be around. But it's about you right now and what you need."

My eyes drift to the bed, looking at the letter. Slowly, I reach over, picking it up and handing it to him. He grabs it from me, scanning over the letter quickly.

"That's great news, Ry. Asher worked his magic."

"You guys helped," I point out. "And Jenny too I suspect."

Blake smiles, putting the letter back on the bed. "You deserve a second chance. Look at how far you've come now."

"I don't know if I want to go back," I admit. "I wasn't good at it. But I don't know how to have a future without a degree. I can't live here forever on my savings and Mom's money. I need some type of independence."

"I know. You'll figure it out. We're still young. Most people don't even know what they want to do with their lives until they are in their 30s," Blake says. "I don't know what I want to do either."

I let out a dry laugh. "You have trust funds though. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

Blake gives me an incredulous look. "Do I really seem like the type to just be a trust fund baby?"

"No. None of you do, not even Asher."

"Let's just focus on the present right now. There's plenty of time to sort out the adulting crisis later," Blake laughs, pushing my hair back behind my ear.

I look at him properly for the first time, my bottom lip quivering slightly as I swallow the emotion back down.

I hate being vulnerable in front of him… in front of any of them. I just want them to see the strong, independent Rylee. Not this person… the girl who doesn't have a future, or can't hold herself together completely.

Blake frowns, watching the wave of emotions cross my face as I battle internal thoughts. He reaches into his pocket, pulling out a key chain.

"I got you a present," he says, distracting me.

I look at the key chain. "Is that pepper spray on the end of it?"

There's a tiny blue tube on the end of the chain, about the size of a finger. Blake pulls open the top, showing me the spray nozzle.

"Yeah. I figured you could use some extra protection."

"I already have an IUD but sure," I say, trying to deflect my misery with humor.

Blake rolls his eyes, smiling. "I mean it. You need to know how to defend yourself, just in case."

"I know how to throw a punch," I tell him, curling my fist to show him.

"Good. Just remember to always hit where it's going to hurt. Don't try to catch a punch, just deflect and attack. Zayn and I were also talking about the cabin being a safe house, if we ever needed somewhere else to go."

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