Page 11 of Swan River

Fiadh’s heart had been heavy before Asher had shown up. Full of worry for her best friend and her sister and the boy who was tearing them apart. Full of concern for Leya trying to fit into the genius family she felt like an ugly duckling in. Aching sorrow for Adria’s family struggling with her sister’s kidnapping. Fear that Nikki’s headaches were more serious than she was letting on. And now…now she felt like all of that was amplified because, while her friends all dealt with these enormous things happening in their lives, the band could be falling apart, and they didn’t even know it.

Chapter Six

Jonas

DREAMS

Performed by The Cranberries

Jonas’s heart continued to feel shredded as he led Paisley into his apartment. But as he turned from the door to take Paisley in, he couldn’t keep the hope from slowly curling through him. There was an unshakeable truth she’d sung about in her lyrics. They fit. They blended together. The jagged pieces of their souls had collided, finding a home. It was as if they’d been two lost scraps drifting in the breeze until the wind had blown them together.

She watched him as he took a step toward her. A tendril of her hair had escaped her clip and fallen in front of her eyes, hiding some of the emotions swimming there. She was completely still, shoulders back, gaze heated, but he also knew she was nervous because her index finger had landed on her birthmark.

“Paisley.” Her name came out as an agonized groan, unsure of what was the right thing to do. Push her away or pull her close.

And then, he didn’t have a choice because her body collided with his. Her arms went around his neck, and she stood on her tiptoes to join their mouths together just like she had on the sidewalk. Heat traveled through him, curls of desire leaving a heady trail as it worked its way through every vein and nerve ending until his body was standing at attention, ready to surrender after the frenzied battle with passion and restraint he’d been waging for days.

He put his arms around her waist, lifted her with ease, and set her on the counter in the bite-sized kitchen. Standing between her legs, he trailed his fingers and mouth down her face, her neck, and her chest. He swooped aside the tank top she wore that barely hid the pink Sweet Memory daisy tattooed there and lavished a taut nipple with his tongue. Paisley moaned, arching into him, hands mussing with his hair before she reached for his T-shirt and tugged.

He stepped back, lifting his shirt from the back, pulling it off, and tossing it aside. Then, he lifted her tank and did the same, unhooking her bra before sliding their bodies back together and relishing in the perfect warmth of their skin gliding together.

Their mouths fused hungrily, tongues seeking their inner recesses while fingers explored. The air grew heavier, thicker, fuller. She moaned and the sound had him straining against his jeans, the pressure almost unbearable.

“Take me to your bed, Jonas,” Paisley demanded, her voice deeper than he’d ever heard it before. More like her sister’s than her own soft one.

He rested his forehead on her chest, eyes closed, listening to the rhythm of her heartbeat.

“No,” he said quietly.

She drew his chin up, searching his face with eyes that ached. “Why?”

He couldn’t voice all his reasons for stopping them. Fear of losing her. Fear of doing something she’d hate him for. Fear that her friends and sister would hate him even more. Fear that was ridiculous. He didn’t know one heterosexual man his age who would have said no to Paisley’s demand. They would have simply fucked her senseless. And maybe that was yet another of the many reasons he wouldn’t. He refused to be just some damn guy who screwed her until she screamed.

Not that he was sure he could even make her scream. He wasn’t sure he could even last long enough to give her the climax she deserved. But that wasn’t the point, and he couldn’t voice any of those fears, so he said the one thing that was closest to the surface. “I’m not going to make love to you just so you can spite Landry.”

He regretted it as soon as he said it.

She inhaled sharply, pain hitting her eyes, and then she was pushing him away. She jumped off the counter, retrieved her clothes, and reassembled them on her body all while he watched.

When she lifted her beautiful eyes to his face, they were no longer soft. They were hard and angry, but she was still painfully quiet when she finally spoke.

“You really think I’d do that to either of us?” she demanded, hands on her hips, looking very much like some fiery sprite. “Bring her anger into this with us?”

He ran a hand through his hair, wondering how he was going to get out of this without pissing her off or leaving more wounds on her heart.

“I think, right now, you want to prove she’s wrong.”

Her eyes closed and opened almost as if the words had been a slap to her face. “She is. But that isn’t why I want this. I want this because I never feel like I’m truly home until you’re touching me. I want to know what it feels like when you’re fully inside me and our bodies become one. I want to find the end of the song we’ve written together. There’s no reason to keep stopping us.”

He swallowed hard, her words echoing what he’d been thinking moments before and settling into his heart like a Band-Aid over cracks that always seemed to bleed. But he reminded himself of the harshest truth. The number one reason he refused her. He simply wasn’t sure he was the man she deserved. Not yet. Maybe never. Right now, he was still a broken kid who tended to ruin everything he touched with roiling anger.

He had so much work to do before he became…something worthy. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get there, but he wanted to try because Paisley Kim…she was his whole world. A shiny star in a sea of dark. She brought so much damn beauty into his life that it physically hurt, and he wanted to make sure he could give her the same thing back.

Paisley closed the distance between them, drawing his hand into hers, aligning their palms.

“Two years, Jonas. I’ve missed you…wanted this…for two years. And now that we’re here, this close, I don’t want her to be the reason we aren’t together.” Paisley shook her head, tears filling her eyes.

Jonas swallowed. “We barely knew each other then, sweetheart. And now…now I’ve got a lot of things to work on, and I think you know that as much as Landry does.”

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