Page 38 of Chasing Lynda

Aaron doesn’t count.

I cross my arms over my chest to cover it, rising to a sitting position. “No,” I say out loud, shaking my head. I refuse to let him into my mind and into this room.

Thinking back to the last day or so, I almost forgot about him. I almost felt normal, like my old self again.

And the best moments had one thing in common; one of them was with me.

Sure, there were moments of tension because I saw several groups of people from Aaron’s church. That can only mean that he either opened or he’s about to open the new church here in Bridgeport; the church that was delayed by their arrest on our wedding day.

That means that I have to move on, that I’m not safe in Bridgeport. So that also means that there’s no way to keep hanging out with the guys; that I did the right thing last night when I walked out on Zane.

I hate that even if I broke free from the church and from Aaron, I’m not free. Far from it.

I know he’s still looking for me and I’m under no illusion of what would happen to me if he found me.

This time there’s no suppressing the full body shudder at the thought of his cold, dark eyes. I can’t really remember his touch but my body can. My subconscious can too.

I’ve been having nightmares where Aaron is on top of me and I can’t breathe; where he tears my long, white dress off of me and there’s pain and blood everywhere. I don’t know if they’re just nightmares, brought on by what I know he did to me from the hospital report, or if they’re flashbacks.

“Fuck you, Aaron!” I say, sliding down toward the edge of the mattress.

I’m safe here at the hotel. After what happened earlier, security will keep the people from the church away from here.

So the decision is made in a heartbeat; I have two nights here. Two nights during which I’m just like any other girl, any other tourist or student here on summer break.

I’m normal. I have a bed to lay my head on at night, money in my pockets and hot guys who are interested in me.

Normal guys, not crazy psychos who want to hurt me like my husband and my father.

These guys protected me when I was just a stranger on their beach. Like Kelley and his friends they don’t want to use me and hurt me. I know not all men are bad like the ones in my family and in the community I grew up in.

So it’s easy to make the decision to take my life and my freedom back. I want to spend time with them, I want to be free.

I want to lose my virginity to one of them.

I know that technically I’m not a virgin, that Aaron—but I can’t remember it.

If I can’t remember it, it’s like it never happened and I can change things. I can be the one to rewrite my story with a happier chapter. I can give my body to someone by choice. To someone who doesn’t scare me, someone who wants me to have a good time too. My thoughts immediately turn to last night, to how good Zane made me feel. But Carter’s kisses were also amazing; so sweet, almost reverent. In his arms, my head was spinning for all the right reasons. It was excitement, not fear. Dodge’s lips were the softest thing I’ve ever felt and his kiss was skilled and daring. I like them all, even their friend Bennett, with those ice blue eyes and gentle but strong hands. If I had to choose one now, I’d really have trouble deciding which guy I like more; but I have two nights before I have to run and disappear again.

The phone on one of the nightstands rings, startling me and making me literally crawl out of my own skin. “Fuck!” I exhale, grabbing the phone off its stand. I steady my voice as I answer, a part of me worried that something is wrong and I’m not allowed to stay here after all. “Hello?” I say, hoping that this isn’t all too good to be true and that I’ll have some time with the sexy men who have been the only thing similar to “friends” since they rescued me from a dangerous situation the other night on the beach.

I don’t recognize the voice at the other end of the line, but then again, I don’t know anyone around here. The only people who know that I’m staying in this room are the guys and—

“Lynda, Buck.”

It takes me a second to make the connection.

“Monroe,” he states.

I tighten my grip on the phone. What does he want? I really don’t like that guy; he was trying to abuse his position by groping the hopeful contestants. The only reason why he didn’t try it with me is that Bennett yelled at him earlier.

“Hi,” I say cautiously.

The resort manager, huffs impatient. “What’s the hold up? We’re waiting for you for hair and makeup. The beautician is about to close her salon for the day and if you don’t get your scrawny ass here immediately, she’s going to ask for extra pay—”

“What?” I ask him, confused. “Hair and makeup?”

I can’t see him but the frustration in his voice is obvious and I can almost imagine the eye roll my questions must’ve caused. “Listen girl, I have no time to waste. I have a fucking party to go to. Were you listening when I was explaining about the photo shoot?”

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