Page 24 of Chasing Lynda

“One,” I say, low enough that I’m sure no one else can hear me.

Zane looks surprised. “One? So why was it so hard to say that?”

I don’t know if he thinks I’m lying but all of a sudden, my palms get sweaty and even though we’re outside, I feel claustrophobic. I stand up so abruptly, that my chair capsizes onto the wooden boards of the restaurant’s deck.

“I told you, it’s fucking complicated!” I say, rushing back into the crowded restaurant and then out onto the boardwalk.

Zane is hot on my heels. “Lynda! Lynda, stop!”

I keep marching away from him, weaving through the crowded pier, until I’m almost at the end of it, where a high Ferris wheel offers a spectacular view of the water.

“Lynda!”

Zane finally catches up with me, he grabs me by my elbow and immediately lets go when I don’t fight him.

“What happened?” he asks, his tone now lower and softer. “Did I say something wrong? Look, I told you. I’m not judging you. I’m sorry for getting too personal, I just—Fuck, I just really like you and I want to get to know you better. But I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”

I don’t know what it is that makes me decide to tell him. Maybe the sincere look in his eyes, maybe the fact that he thinks my reaction is his fault. It could also be that he’s kind and handsome and that once again reminds me of Kelley.

“I—” I inhale deeply to catch my breath and to slow down the sense of dread that forms a painful lump in my throat. “It was only once. But I didn’t want to.”

His hands come to my elbows but his touch is hesitant; as if he wants to provide support but he is also scared to spook me out. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a jerk. I swear I was just trying to flirt. It wasn’t my intention to bring back painful memories.”

I sigh, lifting my gaze to meet his. “You couldn’t know and you didn’t bring back any memories. I can’t remember any of it. He—” I inhale again. “He put something in my drink. I—when I woke up there was a lot of blood and—”

“Oh, fuck. Lynda, I’m so sorry.” His green eyes are full of compassion but his lips are flattened in an angry line. “Was that the guy your parents approved of?”

I nod. A part of me feels that I can really trust Zane. Don’t ask me why, it’s a gut feeling.

I make a decision I know I might regret if I end up being wrong, but I want to tell him everything. I don’t expect any help from him, I know this is my problem to deal with, but I need someone to know. I need to feel that I’m not alone, even if telling him means that I have to move on.

“Zane, the good thing is that I don’t really remember what he did to me. But—”

I’m about to tell him about the arranged engagement, the forced marriage. Down to the violation of that virginity exam, but I spot a blue bonnet in my peripheral vision.

I turn and there are three men and two women from my husband’s church in a line at the turkey leg stand.

Panic takes over me and without thinking, I grab Zane’s hand and run into the first place where I can hide in case those people are here looking for me.

It’s a dark purple tent with moons and stars painted all over the front. It’s pitch black when we get inside.

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