Page 73 of The Pact

I still don’t get it. “But then what the fuck are you doing with him now? And don’t tell me you’re planning to talk to him because you could’ve done that last week. When you went out with him.”

This time she doesn’t sound sorry. “Why do you keep hanging out with your guys? Because I like him, Ausra. I can’t stop thinking about him and it’s been that way since the first time I met him at a pep rally after party at the beginning of senior year. I kept thinking about him for the last two years. Every time I fucking touched myself, I thought about his eyes, his hands. Can you understand this?”

I can. Because I feel the exact same way about each of the guys. My heart skipped a beat when Mc called them “my guys” just a moment ago. “So you didn’t tell him because you thought he’d freak out?”

She shakes her head. “No. Mainly because I was afraid of what Dad would do. Not just to me but also to Holden. One thing was me being knocked up by my long-term boyfriend. But ...”

Her voice fades away. And for the first time, I completely get it.

“But he’s an older guy, not boyfriend material and you were cheating on Johnny with him. But Dad found out anyway and kicked you out.”

She nods. “Yeah. He was already livid that I was pregnant and that I didn’t want to get married and move in with him and Mom. I’d managed to keep Holden a secret but then one night I sneaked out to talk to him. He had asked me if there could be a chance that Skye was his daughter earlier at school and we needed to talk. Unfortunately Dad was in the yard. He saw me coming out of your window and he followed me.”

I shudder at the idea of Dad’s reaction. “Did he try to force you to have a paternity test?”

Mc clenches her fists. “No, actually. He didn’t even care who was the father. He was mad that I had been sleeping with two different men. He started calling me impure. He changed his mind about me marrying Johnny and living at home to raise Skye. He said that Skye was impure, the fruit of my ‘reckless, baseless behavior.’ He demanded that I gave her up for adoption or terminate the pregnancy. Started calling her a shameful abomination. He said that with my behavior I was soiling his name, his standing as a church leader. His fucking ‘livelihood.’ He threatened that if I didn’t obey him, he’d ‘do it for me.’ That’s why I left, Ausra. I could let him hurt me but not my daughter. And I couldn’t give her up. I was starting to feel her grow inside of me and I knew I already loved her more than anything in the world.”

I close my arms around her when tears start running down her face. “And him going after Holden and his team was his way of getting revenge?” I ask.

“I guess so. Whenever Dad feels like he has been wronged, someone has to pay. It doesn’t matter who.”

Oh, I know that. I experienced it on my own skin every day after Mc moved out. I paid for Mc’s “sins.”

I sigh, looking at my sister. I love her more than I can express with words but I’m scared for her. “Mc, I’m sorry. I wasn’t really trying to judge you earlier. But I don’t understand. The partying and the drugs ... that’s what caused you so much trouble earlier. Why are you doing it again?”

Her eyes darken and her voice comes out as a barely there whisper. The only reason why I can hear her is that I’m still standing very close to her. “Because maybe I’m exactly what Dad says. Maybe I’m impure and worthless.”

My heart breaks for her because I understand the way she feels. I felt it every day when I lived under his roof and it still torments me every day. “You aren’t, Mc. You’re loving and sweet and smart.”

One tear slides down her face. “Or maybe, I’m rotten to the core. Maybe Dad made me to his own image. I cheated on Johnny like he cheated on Mom. He was so furious because he saw himself in me.”

Fuck. “No, Mc. You’re nothing like Dad. And do you know why? You admit to your fucking mistakes and you don’t try to make other people pay for them.”

She hugs me tight. “I love you, Ausra.”

I squeeze her as tight as I can. “I love you too. Just please talk to Holden. Fix this thing. For Skye.”

She sighs. “I’ll try. But not tonight.”

I get it. Our conversation was enough for one night and I realize that I’ve been in here for quite a while and the guys might be looking for me.

“Just be careful, Mc. Don’t do anything stupid, ok?”

***

Kelley

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IT TAKES ME A WHILE to greet all the people that showed up to my birthday party. I must thank Bode and Ashton for putting everything together. They’re seriously the best.

I keep my eye on Ausra as I shake hands and pat backs and hug people.

I feel less guilty about not giving her my full attention when I see her follow Ashton outside onto the deck.

I can’t be rude to my friends but at the same time, I feel relieved when I can finally make a beeline for the backyard to go find my girl.

I have dibs for tonight and I intend not to waste a minute of it.

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