Page 52 of The Pact

“Bode, if you’re tired or busy I won’t be mad if you want to go. I know we said we’d hang out but—”

“No, Ausra. We need to talk.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but has any good conversation ever started with those words?

I mean, he can’t dump me, right? Because we aren’t technically dating.

“Sure. Is something wrong?”

His dark blue eyes look as hard as sapphires when he levels me with a hard stare. “I don’t know. You tell me.”

I open my mouth to ask him to explain and then, before I can utter any words, it dawns on me.

He knows.

Bode knows who I am. He knows Johnny and after he talked about Mc, he must’ve realized. After all when one of the preacher’s daughters got pregnant, we were the talk of the school. That’s why Dad ended up kicking Mc out.

“Bode, I—”

“The guys and I kept saying that you looked familiar. We thought it was because we must’ve seen you around town, since Shell Cove isn’t a huge place. But we went to school together for almost four years, didn’t we? Until you disappeared one semester before graduation.”

I don’t know what to say. So I just confirm with a strangled, “Yes.”

“So you’re the preacher’s daughter? The other one? The one who—”

“The one who was unfuckable? The one without a pussy or with her pussy sewn shut? I guess we should count ourselves lucky that Kelley’s dick hasn’t fallen off yet for coming near me. But it’s early days. I actually haven’t seen his dick yet, so who knows? I might still have a chance to work my fucking magic.”

I realize the vitriol in my tone when Bode’s eyes widen and he stands up, probably ready to walk out. I want to let him go and I want to stop him at the same time.

“What?” I provoke him. “You don’t remember saying that?”

He sighs. “I actually remember. Ausra, I don’t even know where the fuck to start unpacking all of this. But actually, I should start saying that I’m sorry for what Kelley said. It wasn’t directed to you personally, he—”

“Oh, yeah. None of the laughing and the mean remarks about me being a freak were ever directed at me personally. They were always uttered behind my back for the most part but loud enough that I could hear them. After all, to everyone at school I was just a weirdo, not a real person. Who cares if the jokes and the mean comments hurt my feelings? To y’all I didn’t even have feelings, right?”

Bode doesn’t immediately speak. He seems to be trying to make sense of it all. “Ausra, Kelley didn’t mean it the way it sounded. He—”

“OF COURSE HE DIDN’T!” I’m yelling at this point. “OF COURSE YOU’D BE ON HIS SIDE!”

He shakes his head. “It’s not about whose side I’m on. Believe it or not, I talked to Kelley about the shit he said about you later that same day. I know how it sounded and I’m not totally justifying it. The thing with Kelley is—”

“That he hates my father’s church? Well fuck, that’s something he and I have in common. Do you think I wanted to dress that way? To live the way I was forced to? Always under scrutiny, always found lacking? Not pure enough, not obedient enough. Even my thoughts were judged.”

I tell him everything about the things I had to suffer in my parents’ house. “I moved out when he told me I couldn’t go to Yale and I couldn’t go to any college. That as a punishment for coming to see my sister and my niece against his express orders, he would pull me out of school and keep me by his side for a year. He called it an internship but it was a punishment. It was so he could watch me, so that my every breath would belong to him and would be judged. That’s when I knew I had to bail.”

Bode’s voice is calm and measured. “I’m glad you got away from him and from his house, Ausra. I’ll be honest with you, the guys and I have never been big fans of your father and his church. He tried to take all the funds away from our team and get us shut down. He’s one of the school’s biggest donors and for some reason, he has it out for our coach. The only reason why he didn’t succeed is that coach had an ironclad contract with the school. But now that it’s expired, he didn’t get renewed because of your father. We were lucky that Ashton’s dad saw our team as a good investment and decided to employ coach and get him a spot at Bridgeport.”

I begin to understand Kelley. Windsurfing is his life and if my father tried to mess with it, his hatred makes complete sense.

“So that’s why Kelley is such an asshole every time my father’s church is involved? Like the other day on the beach?”

Bode sighs. “Partially. How much do you know about what’s been going on at the church since you left?”

I admit that I’ve kept as far as possible from the church and its leader.

“Since you left, we’ve seen more and more women dressing like you did. The day Kelley said those horrible things about you, it was because Lynda had come to class sporting a black eye. She said her father had given her new clothes. That he tried to take away her makeup and ...”

I see where he’s going with it. “But she always looked normal to me. The entire time. She never had to wear—”

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