Page 44 of The Pact

She giggles, following me into the en suite bathroom. “Yeah, this dress needs washing for sure. Lucky I don’t live at home anymore. My parents would’ve flipped.”

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Ausra

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I FOLLOW SHEP INTO the bathroom. My heart is still beating fast and my knees are barely supporting me because touching him was so fucking exciting. I’m relieved and disappointed at the same time that he’s focusing on cleaning me up and he doesn’t know what touching him and seeing him come just did to me.

I feel as excited as I did last night when Bode was touching me and I’m trying to find the courage to ask him to do something about the throbbing feeling between my legs.

I could just ask, right?

I’m not hesitant because I think Shep would judge me. I know he wouldn’t. And I know there aren’t any cameras in Bode’s house. Then why are the words stuck at the top of my mouth and I can’t bring myself to utter them?

There’s no God to see you and judge you when you do something wrong, something dirty. Something to debase yourself that drags your soul down. There isn’t a judgement in another life. The judgement is here and now. It comes from within you. Your community, your brothers and sisters, your family can see it in your eyes.

A pure soul shines through you and a dirty soul? It’s still there for everyone to see.

Make no mistake, we know what you’ve done. I know what you’ve done.

Shep is cleaning my chest and is trying to wipe at my dress with a wet cloth.

If this is so wrong, if what I just did with him destroys my soul, why the hell did it feel so fucking exciting? And maybe everyone will be able to see what I’ve done through my eyes but you know what? It’ll be because I’ll feel satisfied and I’ll feel happy.

I shake my head. Fuck his rules. Fuck them because they’re there for everybody else. If he could cheat on my mother, if he’s been tightening the rules just for the women in his community, he doesn’t practice what he preaches. So fuck him!

I grab Shep’s wrist. “The dress needs to go into the washer. You’re just making it worse with that cloth.”

Shep looks truly repentant. “I’m sorry, I—”

I lift my dress from the bottom hem and drag it all the way up and over my head, throwing it on the bathroom floor where it lands with a swishing noise.

I fight the urge to cover my chest with my arms, encouraged by the heat in Shep’s green eyes.

The way he’s looking at me makes me feel beautiful, perfect. There can’t be anything wrong or dirty in that.

“Shit!” He exhales. “Your tits look even more perfect than they felt to the touch, Smokey.”

Touch them, kiss them.

I’m about to overcome my timidity and beg him but he closes one of his hands around one of my breasts taking the nipple into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it.

The feeling is exquisite and torturous at the same time. It feels good but I want more, so much fucking more.

I almost whimper in protest when Shep’s lips leave my breast to start traveling down my rib cage and over the flat expanse of my stomach.

Each contact with his open mouth leaves a trail of fire in its wake. I’m burning up for Shep and I’m praying and dreading the moment when he’ll reach my panties.

His lips trace the edge of my white lace thong and I stand there without daring to move a single muscle.

I stand my ground when he hooks his fingers between the soft fabric and my hips.

“Ausra,” he breathes out softly. “I’d like to look at you. But only if it’s ok with you. We can stop if you want. We can stop any time.”

I try to inject into my words a confidence that I don’t feel. “You showed me yours, it’s only fair that I show you mine.”

I hope he doesn’t hear the tremor in my voice.

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