Page 37 of The Pact

Kelley intervenes. “Bode and Shep are right. We’d never try to force you into anything you don’t want but if you’re unsure about any of us, we need to know. Because the hard rule is, we all play or no one does. So you might end up doing different things with each of us but if you don’t feel attracted to one of us, there’s no point playing.”

I understand what he means. I’ve seen how they’re always together. Even at school you always saw the four of them or none of them.

I really want to say yes.

I know, I know. I’m crazy but I want these guys. In my heart of hearts, I wanted them even at school, when they didn’t even know that I existed.

Kelley has been observing me this whole time. “I understand if you want to think about it. But are there any of us you’re unsure about?”

I nod. If I really want to do this, I have to be honest. “Yeah. I’m not sure about you, Kelley.”

It’s impossible to miss the flicker of hurt in his amber colored eyes. “So you fucking like the others more than you like me?”

I shake my head. “It isn’t that, Kelley. I just don’t like cheaters. And Lynda told me to stay away from you because you two were hooking up.”

“Lynda? I don’t know why the fuck she’d say that but I can guarantee you that she’s only someone we went to school with. I have no interest in her. She’s been hanging around us for about a year now but I’ve never touched her and I never would.”

Fuck. I can’t believe I’m really considering this. And if it’s just one night, I’m not too worried about Lynda telling them my secret.

“I really want to say yes, guys.”

Bode’s blue eyes are darkened with lust. “Then say yes.”

I shake my head. “There’s just something I need you all to promise me.”

Ashton looks incredibly serious. “What is it, cutie?”

“That you’ll be gentle? I ... It would be my first time.”

Shep nods with a reassuring smile. “Of course, Smokey. As we said, you have total power on what happens. Don’t be scared just because it’s four of us. I understand that it could be intimidating, trust me, the first time we shared a girl, I was nervous too.”

I shake my head. My face is on fire but there’s no way we can do this unless they understand. “Not my first time with more than one guy. My first time.”

There’s a moment of silence and I see various degrees of surprise in the guys’ gazes.

Kelley is the first one to try to clarify. “Are you telling us that you’re a virgin?”

I immediately bristle at his tone. He hurls that word at me, the V-word, like a fucking insult.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I state.

Shep voices everyone’s shock. “But how is that possible? I mean, no offense Smokey, but you’re hot. You’re eighteen, right? How didn’t every guy who’s ever taken you out on a date not try to get in your pants?”

I squirm uncomfortably because I don’t want to tell them how I grew up. “My parents were very strict. Very religious. So not a lot of dates.” It’s all I offer and I’m relieved when they don’t question it.

Kelley obviously doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. “Sure, I get having strict parents but—”

“You were my first kiss,” I say with my hardest tone, to try and convey how I’m questioning that choice right now.

For a second the guys are so quiet that you could hear the proverbial pin fucking drop.

Kelley breaks the silence again. “Your first kiss? As in—”

“As in before you kissed me when you drove me home two nights ago, no one had never even come close to it.”

Before Kelley can piss me off any more, Bode decides to intervene. “Ok. But you certainly don’t mean that last night it was—”

I sigh. I’m going from embarrassed to frustrated very quickly. “My first orgasm? Yeah, that’d be right. And before this turns into the third degree. No, I never touched myself before. Did I ever want to? Maybe. But I’ve always shared a room, so not a good idea.”

---