Page 24 of The Pact

Mc’s face is an inscrutable mask. “So the fact that you also like Bode isn’t the only reason why you said yes?”

Deep shame floods my body. “No. I wanted to hurt Kelley. A part of me wants to see him and kiss him again. Another part of me wants to hurt him the same way he hurt me with his words.”

My sister throws an intense look my way. I know that whatever she says next isn’t going to be easy to hear. “Ausra, that was six months ago. And you said it yourself. You kinda agree with what he said.”

She doesn’t totally understand. “It’s not about what he said six months ago, Mc. For that I forgave him. Especially after he saved my ass last night. It’s what he said to those people, to Dad’s followers. Especially about those women. It felt personal. I know it shouldn’t because I left that life behind. And I fucking hate Dad and his doctrine. What if he’s trying to snuff out others’ personalities like he did with me? I’m scared and worried that it’s only gonna get worse for the ones who give him total control of their lives. But at the same time there’s a part of me that felt hurt by Kelley’s disgust and protective of Dad. Even if I know he’s a hypocrite and a bully. When I heard Kelley talk that way about the church, there was a part of me that felt defensive.”

To my surprise, McKayla doesn’t think that I’m batshit crazy. “You aren’t weird, sis. He’s still our father. No matter how much he hurt us, there’s still a part of us that will always care. It’s like some fucked up version of Stockholm Syndrome. He was our abuser but we can’t help caring about him. And Mom.”

I slide closer to her and wrap my arms around her and Skye. “I know. The way he acted toward you and our sweet little nugget, makes me hate him even more. What parent tries to force you to abandon your own daughter?” Before Mc can say anything, I conclude. “I guess it’s no surprise that then he ended up abandoning you.”

Mc’s eyes fill up with tears and it takes us both a minute to get our emotions under control.

“So ... Bode?” she asks with a cryptic smile. “He’s cute, isn’t he? And so are Shep and Ashton.”

I have no problem admitting it. “Yeah. No wonder they were the most popular guys at school. They’re all handsome.”

Mc looks at me before asking another question. “How were Ashton and Shep? Were they flirting with you?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. They hugged me earlier and they were kind. They were definitely flirting last night. Why?”

“Did you hear the rumors about them at school?”

There were lots of rumors about the four hottest guys at Bradbury Prep. “I don’t know, I heard some stuff. All the girls wanted to go out with them and all the guys wished they were them. Why?”

McKayla’s gaze is intense. “The rumors that they liked to share girls.”

“I—What?”

She rises from the bed, checking her daughter’s diaper and beginning to walk out of my room. “It’s nothing I heard first hand, sis. I bumped into some of the people I used to party with right before I got pregnant. It might be just rumors but either way, have fun tonight and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

***

Ausra

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THE CAR RIDE WITH BODE is a quiet one. It’s different than the night before with Kelley.

There’s some music on, the window is rolled down and Bode has a relaxed smile on his face. His tanned forearm is resting on the window and when he occasionally looks at me, I can’t help but smile back.

Kelley has an intensity that radiates from him in a continuous flow, like the waves that roll incessantly on the beach. There’s a constant tension in every movement, a suppressed energy like the string of a bow in the instant before you shoot the arrow—and yes, I’m flinching internally too for using my father’s metaphor. Because, make no mistake, I have an uneasy feeling as if I were doing something wrong by going to this party. My first party.

If Dad knew, I know he’d lecture me before punishing me. And while he would hate Kelley and Bode equally, he’d probably find the first one less unworthy of me than the second.

He’d feel that Kelley’s energy is something that can be worked with and channeled. But he’d absolutely despise that easy smile, that calm and easy demeanor; he’d think that Bode has something to hide.

Do you know what’s worse than living your life with the wrong purpose? Living it with no purpose at all.

I shake my head.

Fuck this. I need to get my father out of my head.

I love Bode’s easygoing nature and his calm confidence makes me feel steadier, it gives me the feeling that for once in my life I’m on solid ground.

And, of course, there’s the fact that he’s absolutely smoking hot.

Think of the perfect beach god and Bode is the image that immediately comes to mind. Tall, definitely over 6’3”, with broad shoulders. He has a strong but lean frame.

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