Page 23 of The Pact

8.

Friends

Ausra

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I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO think. I’m a mess of feelings and emotions all pulling me in different directions.

“Hey, sis.” McKayla looks at me from the door jamb of my room with my baby niece on her hip. “Are you all right? You aren’t coming down with the same thing Skye and I had yesterday, are you? You look like you’re about to be sick.”

I sigh. “No, I’m not getting the flu but you aren’t totally wrong, Mc. I’m glad you and Skye feel better though.” I observe, smiling.

“Uh uh,” she says with a shake of her head. “Your niece and I are definitely better but don’t think you can distract me by asking about our twenty-four hour bug. Something’s wrong with you, I could tell from a mile away. Did something happen last night at the Stowaway?”

I lower my gaze. Mc has always been able to pick up on my moods ever since we were small children. She’d always know if someone had been mean to me at school or if I’d gotten in trouble with Dad.

There’s no point in lying to her because my sister is as perceptive as she’s stubborn and if she wants to know, she’ll have me talking one way or the other.

And after all, I think talking about my feelings can’t hurt. So I spill, everything. From the assault last night, to the kiss with Kelley on our doorstep, to my impending date with Bode. If that is even a date, I’m really not sure.

“Holy shit!” Mc whistles, coming further into my room and lowering herself onto the bed with Skye still in her arms. “I don’t even know where to fucking start, babe. Or maybe I do. So tonight’s thing with Bode? Definitely a date. I’m sorry about what happened to you last night but I’m glad you’re all right. But the most important thing is that you’ve been kissed! Your fucking first kiss! Tell me everything. How was it?”

I know I’m blushing but I really want to tell her. She told me everything about her first kiss and her first time. She used to climb into my bed at night, after sneaking back into my room from the window. She used to tell me everything she’d done. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little jealous of my big sister.

“It was hot,” I admit. “It felt different than I imagined but it was good. His lips were soft and he smelled so good. And he was gentle ...”

Mc considers it for a second. “Gentle? Kelley Hill?”

I nod. “I know. I was surprised too.”

She shakes her head. “Also, Kelley Hill?”

I grab my pillow, hinting at throwing it at her but not daring because she’s still holding Skye. “I know, fuck!” I almost wail. “I don’t know what the hell happened last night. The guys were so ... nice to me.”

She keeps looking at me, waiting for me to explain.

“Ok, fuck. I don’t think they recognized me.” I rub my hands over my face, hiding from her probing gaze. “Ok, you know what? I know they didn’t recognize me. And before you even ask, I don’t know how I feel about it.” My voice sounds muffled and I wait for Mc to say anything before uncovering my face.

When the only sound in the room is my niece’s cute giggle for over a minute, I give up and look at my sister.

That look.

I groan. I should’ve known that McKayla wouldn’t just let me get away with it. “Yes, I know! Ok? I kissed the guy that six months ago called me an unfuckable freak. And I’m going on a date with one of his friends who laughed at that taunt. With their other friends who were also laughing.”

As if my voice wasn’t already dripping with frustration, Mc arches a light brown eyebrow.

“I fucking hate you!” I half-laugh, half-wail. “I didn’t tell them that we went to high school together. Well, aside from the last six months. And I don’t know if I even want to tell them. Because I’m afraid that if they know that I’m ‘the preacher’s daughter,’ they’d lose interest in me. And because I feel ashamed about the way I used to look and act at school. I obeyed Dad because I was scared of the consequences but I felt a freak as much as people called me that. It hurt, but deep down I thought they were right.”

When McKayla still doesn’t say anything, I come completely clean and tell her what happened earlier on the beach. “Kelley’s reaction was scary. He looked like he was about to rip those people’s head off. The disgust was etched all over his face. And before we even start discussing the fact that they’re building a new, bigger church and that those women were dressed the way he used to force me to dress ... I was about to turn Bode down, before Kelley’s outburst. Not because I don’t like him but I thought that Kelley asked me first and it wouldn’t be right to go out with one of his friends. And there’s also the kiss ... but then after I saw the way he acted, I said yes to Bode.”

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