Page 93 of The Pact

I nod. “Yeah, I feel a little queasy. Maybe a little bit of fresh air will make me feel better.”

I gratefully accept his hand as he guides me toward one of the full-length windows that lead outside onto a wide balcony.

I lean against the wrought iron of the railing, still shaking after the encounter with my dad.

“Cutie, are you sure you’re ok? Maybe being out here isn’t a great idea? You feel cold to the touch.”

His concerned expression is soothing and troubling at the same time. It’s good that he cares but at the same time, that means that it’ll hurt more if once I tell him the truth, he decides to walk away.

And I understand that now time is ticking. I knew I had to come clean before they asked me to work for the team but with my dad in the picture, time is even more of the essence. Because I have no way to know what he’ll do to hurt me.

“Would you like a glass of water? Maybe something stronger?” I accept Ashton’s offer. Maybe something stronger will settle my nerves and give me some clarity on how to go about talking to the guys.

When Ashton walks back into the ballroom, I sag against the railing, willing the world to slow down as my head is spinning with new anxiety.

I stand outside, willing my heart to slow down its galloping. One thing is for sure; a panic attack is the last thing I need right now.

After a couple of minutes, the door to the balcony is opened. A tall shadow partially obscures the light cast by the outside lampposts.

“That was quick, babe,” I say turning around, but the words die in my mouth.

The tall figure standing behind me doesn’t belong to Ashton but to my dad.

Every attempt to calm down is now in vain. It was one thing having to face him in a room full of people, but here? One-on-one? This is almost as bad as it could get.

I throw a wistful look at the door Dad just came out from, thinking that at least he can’t hurt me with a room full of people just a few yards away. Rich and powerful people. The kind of people in front of whom he definitely doesn’t want to be embarrassed.

I look down, over my shoulder, trying to weigh my odds if I jumped from here. It’s high but unless I landed head first, I might get away with a few broken bones.

My eyes must be giving away what kind of thoughts I’m having. I haven’t inherited Dad’s cunning ability to conceal his real feelings. I have the worst poker face in the world.

“I have to admit that I’m surprised to see you here. Of all the places where I could’ve run into you, the house of the richest man in California wouldn’t have been my first bet. And imagine my even bigger surprise when he asked me to put in a good word with the hiring committee of the athletic department. When he assured me that the only cost to Bridgeport for hiring you would be offering you a virtual free ride to attend.”

I clench my fists, digging my nails into the soft flesh of my palms until it hurts. I swallow in a bid to steady my own voice. Every time I’ve ever had a confrontation with Dad, since I could remember, I’ve always felt like I’m on the brink of tears. I’ve always shown him my weakness and that’s something that he despises above all else.

He can’t grab me and drag me back home with him and Mom. He can’t make me do anything because I’m an adult and I’ve proven to myself and to him that I don’t need his money.

I’m almost proud of myself when my voice has only a hint of fear in it. Knowing that he’ll probably detect it anyway but at least I’m not giving him the satisfaction of crumbling under his probing gaze. “Whatever you plan to do, just get to the point. Just please don’t even bother arranging that interview, since we both know there’s no chance in hell that you’ll let me be hired and go to school at Bridgeport.”

He shakes his head and there’s nothing warm, not a flicker of paternal love in his smile. “See, it isn’t that simple. I thought about it long and hard. I had convinced the department that the windsurfing team was completely unnecessary. A frivolous expense. But I hadn’t considered two things. The first one is that Shell Cove isn’t in Texas. Football is popular but it isn’t everything around here. And the second thing is that with Reynolds as a sponsor, any financial reason is moot. When last year I was offered the tenured position in the philosophy department, like I wanted for years, I was set to get the windsurfing program shut down. I’m sure that by now you know that your friend’s coach is the man who corrupted your sister. I managed to get him ousted from the high school but that bastard slithered his way into Bridgeport. And your friends convinced Reynolds to sponsor him, so they actually became a lucrative endeavor for the school.”

I should’ve imagined that Dad had it out for Holden. “So you can’t say that my position is too expensive the same way you couldn’t get the team shut down?”

He nods. “My only argument not to hire you, would be to find you an unsuitable candidate.”

Bingo. He’ll never let me have anything he doesn’t give me and that he doesn’t have the power to take away pulling some sort of strings. “Right,” I say with my hardest tone. “So am I going to have to come and pretend that I still believe that there’s a job there for me?”

That must be his plan because his smile widens. “Not quite. Unfortunately, it seems that Reynolds is very determined to help you. Which really makes me wonder if you’re fucking him too, like you’re fucking his son and the rest of the team.”

His words hit me harder than if he’d physically slapped me. “I’m not fucking anyone.” That isn’t strictly a lie, since I haven’t really slept with any of the guys yet. Dad doesn’t need to know about our pact. “Ashton and the others are my friends. What the fuck is wrong with you for thinking that I’d sleep with Mr. Reynolds? He could be my father and he’s married; in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Dad’s lips flatten out in a hard line. “Right. Like your sister wasn’t fucking two men when she got pregnant. I could’ve, with time and penance, forgiven her indiscretions with her high school boyfriend. Especially if they married and accepted to live on the enlightenment path. But she was rotten to the core, corrupted by that man who gave her drugs and alcohol and took advantage of her innocence. Or at least that’s what I thought at first. Then I realized that women are inherently dirty and evil. That they use their bodies to divert righteous men from the path to purity. I shouldn’t be surprised that you followed your sister’s example.”

He’s fucking crazy. He blames Mc for everything. Fury mounts inside me to the point that I forget my fear of him and tell him what I really think about all his bullshit. “Oh, is that so? Women are to blame for men’s dirty deeds? Like when you cheated on Mom it wasn’t your fault and you started speaking against temptresses in church?”

He nods. “Exactly like that.”

I shake my head when I realize that he won’t change his mind, no matter what I say. He’s always right and others are made to pay even for his own mistakes. “Whatever. Do what you want. I know you aren’t going to let me go to college if you can help it. Unless I pay for every single penny. Ashton’s heart was in the right place but of course you had to be involved to taint a selfless gesture with your need to punish me.”

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