Page 25 of Not Your Little Girl Anymore

“Sweetheart, listen. This is just as hard for me… one day, I came home from work early. I wanted to surprise her. Hoping that it could help our relationship and get our marriage back on the right path. Unfortunately, when I came home, I heard noises coming from our room. She was in bed with another man.” He’s speaking so bluntly.

My head shoots in his direction, and my mouth hangs open. So wide, I can probably catch a fly… or two. Dad’s gray, thick brows narrow as he turns his head to me. Sincerity fills his deep brown eyes, and I can tell he’s telling me the truth.

“I didn’t want to tell you this way. Honestly, I didn’t want to tell you at all,” he explains.

My throat is so dry that my voice is hoarse. “What happened?”

He brings his thumb to my cheek, running it back and forth, and gives me a sad smile. “Well, I lost my temper and told them both to get out of the house,” he confesses. His voice is full of regret as he continues. “That night, she was found dead. We don’t know if the guy she was with had anything to do with her murder. He wasn’t at the scene, but we questioned him anyway. My boss wants to close the case. We are at a dead end.”

I find myself staring blankly at my feet. There’s a sharp, persistent pain in the center of my chest. My breathing increases as his words repeat over and over again in my mind.

Someone killed my mother, and they want to close the case.

Her murderer is still out there.

They can’t close the case.

I have no control over the quivering of my chin and the tears that escape from my eyes. I do everything I can to avoid them, but it’s no use. I can’t talk, I can’t breathe. I can’t see. Everything is blending together, and I can’t get ahold of myself.

Dad pulls me into his arms. The warmth from his body surrounds me as he hugs me tight. It’s only soothing for a quick second.

“I can assure you, I am doing everything I can to figure it out. Even if they do close the case, I won’t stop until I find out who killed my wife.” He presses a soft kiss on the top of my head.

My mouth is parched, and every breath I try to take feels like I’m pushing sandpaper into my esophagus. My chest is so tight the pain is shooting down my left arm. The room is spinning. I feel like I’m about to collapse any second.

I need to get out of here.

As soon as Dad slowly releases me from his hold, I scramble to my feet.“I-I-I need some air,” I stutter between short gasps.

He calls out my name, but I don’t look back. I can’t look back. My mind is hazy, my chest is so tight. Everything is a blur. I need to get out of this house, and away from everything that reminds me of what once was.

At least for the time being.

***

If I could teleport back in time with the knowledge I have now, I would do everything in my power to help Mom. Knowing that she cheated on Dad really hurts. It hurts so bad that I don’t know if I can fully recover. I believe that if she wasn’t so sad all the time, she wouldn’t have taken that path and she would still be alive. But I can’t change the past. So, I know in my heart I need to move forward and accept the truth. There is no other option.

Air enters my lungs, bringing me into a more peaceful state of mind. The last thing I want to do is dwell on everything in my life.

I don’t want to think about how Dad has always been the one to decide everything for me.

I don’t want to think about Mom’s death.

I don’t want to think about how I’m jobless and have zero idea what career path I want to take.

I want to believe that I am young enough and have time to figure out who I am.

Once my breathing is back to normal, I pull my phone out of one pocket and my headphones out of the other and slip one earbud in my ear. My mind casually drifts to Alec.

I think about his love for music and why he loves playing so much.

All of it helps me escape the fucked-up world I live in.

It isn’t until now that I realize how much that truly resonates with me. Music is a way to escape. The words so beautifully written, inspiring myself and cleansing my soul.

But I can’t help but wonder what happened in his life that makes him feel like he needs to escape. What makes him think his life is so messed up?

And why am I so drawn to him?

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