Page 29 of Shifted

"I fucked up a central line yesterday because I was overtired and thinking about you. So no, I don't do commitment, but I want to make this work." He urges as if this were the make-or-break moment. This man was all around confusing because he was saying one thing but also another.

"So committed to dating? Or a relationship because those are two different things?" He looked confused once more. Dating someone and begging someone's girlfriend was different, and maybe he didn’t know that. I think one of my favorite things was stirring the pot, but in the way that all the cards would be in my favor.

"Both?" He mumbled, unsure of his words.

"I don't think that's how that works, Reed. It's been a date, technically two. This doesn't really count, so maybe I don't want to do commitment?" Now he looked flustered, regretting wanting to have his cake and eat it too. You either date me or have a relationship. I didn’t want him to go out with other girls because I’d been exclusively seeing him.

I bit into my sandwich, smiling happily, as he didn't bother even to touch his salad. What's up with guys thinking that their opinion is the only one that matters in relationships sometimes? "So you don't want to go out with me?" he asked cautiously, and I laughed as I could sense his arrogance and insult from my reply.

"I never said that, but you seem rather surprised if I wouldn't. Like I'm passing up on the opportunity of a lifetime?" He leaned in, taking the sandwich from my hands, and bit into it.

"Maybe you are?" Rolling my eyes, I took the sandwich from him. "You're pretty cocky, you know that right?" I studied his face as he took in my regard, trying to keep his pride together with my small insults.

"Your right about the cockiness, though I'm pretty sure I get from my-"

"If you are about to say something dirty or sly, don't. Because then I'll be thinking about other things while I should be working." He acted confused as his brows furrowed in response to my true assumption. "I was just going to say I got it from my father?" He smirked at me, and now I was getting annoyed. He was distracting me and not making up his mind. Maybe he knew I was a virgin, or perhaps sex wasn’t on his mind at all.

"Though I'd love to pin you down and fuck you some time." I choked on my sandwich from his words, causing my eyes to water as I coughed, "But we'll build up to that, Taylor." His pager went off, and he groaned, staring at it. "I have to go; thanks for lunch and the sexy images of you eating food stored for later." My eyes widened from his words in response, and I shooed him away. Or maybe sex was a spotlight on his mind.

"Thanks for bringing me food. I needed this grilled cheese and this light conversation," I smirked at him as he stood and rushed out the door.

I stared at the untouched salad he'd left. "Lucas!" I yelled, but there was no response. I turned to my office phone, pressed down his number, and heard it ring just a few doors down. "You rang?" He replies on the other end.

"I have a salad for you if you want it." The line cut, and I heard the door to his office open and close as he shuffled in quickly. He almost looked starved as he sank into the leather seat before me. "The hot doctor took two bites and then got called away to duty.” He picked up the salad, inspecting it. "Only because I'm starving, and he's a doctor, so he must take hygiene seriously."

"Or he doesn't?" He stared at the salad again and back to me, "Okay, it's not like he's gross." He stole an extra fork from the bag, stabbed it into the lettuce, and took a bite. "So what did he say?" He waited anxiously to hear an update on our mere lunch date. I understood his fascination. Most of the time, we just spoke about his relationships. I mean, I hadn’t had any since I knew him. So, for the roles to be reversed, it was exciting for him.

"He wants to commit to me even though he's not a commitment guy?” My voice came out more confused than earlier, and honestly, I was, "But what if I'm not a really committed girl?" His eyes dropped in annoyance at my words; he knew me too well.

He sighed at me, "Hope!? Come on, commit to the sexy ass doctor. I'm sorry, but he has glass-breaking dimples, blue eyes that you could drown in, and a body that one would dream of." I bit my lip at the thought of him, but then the thoughts of him filled my mind. I guess they filled Lucas’s mind as well.

"What?" I looked at Lucas. “Hmmm?" I reply as he senses unease.

"You had this drooled look on your face, and then it shifted. Your mind went elsewhere, and you looked kind of sad." I shrugged it off, shaking my head.

"I thought about him, his body, and what it could do to me. How it would make me feel." Sometimes, my mind would drift back to him, well, at least once a day. Think back to our relationship and what we had. I found myself, for some reason, fighting back tears. Sometimes, it was hard to think that maybe I had already gotten that chance and that it was okay, but it was gone because my love belonged to my daughter.

"But Ryan Gosling isn't here, and Reed Austen is!" He sat up in encouragement, "He wants to commit to you after two dates! So yes, he may be clinically insane, but even so, look at the man Hope! He's a doctor and hot as fuck." I gave Lucas a shrewd stare as I crossed my arms in thought. That’s all he had to say repetitively; there was nothing about his personality or how he treated me, just his attraction.

"I'm a lawyer and a busy mother. Maybe I don't need a sexy doctor? Maybe I need myself? Do you ever think about that?" He shook his head, knowing I was spinning his words to distract him. "I refuse to let you throw this away. You are going to date him, Hope, mark my words."

"I already am?" A smile grew on his face. “But he wants to sleep with me eventually, and for now, I want to get to know him. I’m not there yet, and I don’t know if I will ever be," my thoughts lingered. It’s been so long since I’d been intimate with someone. It felt weird or scary to think about sleeping with anyone but him.

"That’s totally okay not to be Hope, and I don't see a problem with that. You haven't had sex for years. Could you imagine your first time in years being with him?" It’s not as if I was losing my virginity, but it scared me slightly. Because I didn’t want to go through it again, the whole process of falling for another and allowing him into my life. But this time, with my child, who I needed to protect.

"I've only ever slept with like one guy in my life, and it's weird to imagine fucking anyone else. I had the same sexual partner for years, and I loved him, especially when I first slept with him. I don’t love Reed, and I don’t know how I could possibly ever love again." I admitted it, my thoughts within my head. I'd only ever had one sexual partner. He made me feel safe, comfortable, and, most importantly, loved.

"Look, I know it's scary and a little awkward. But he's gone. He gave up on you and Joely and walked out of your life. Doctor Sexy is in your corner. Now stop stressing and just be with him!" Lucas stood frustrated again. But it was just because he cared. He wanted it to be successful, so I'd hopefully be happy with my choices. But it wasn’t that easy to just forget something as strong as it was that passed. It lingers in dreams, in my daughter, and in random things that leave reminders of what once was.

“Come on, Hope. You’ll never really know if you don’t give him a chance to just be with you. Even if it’s not intimately, just let him in a little.” Lucas urged.

"Fine, Mr. Grumpy Pants, I’ll try." He exited my office as I continued to eat my grilled cheese. My phone vibrated, and I looked down to see a text from Arabella.

“Wine night at my place tonight- guest beds open for Joels to sleep in!” The one thing about Arabella was that her favorite nights were wine nights. We'd have them every few weeks, and it was more of a deep gossip session. But since work was draining and they'd been less frequent, it sounded like something I needed.

Hope(3:02 p.m.): What time and what do I bring?

Arabella(3:02 p.m.): 7:30 and yourself :))

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