Page 51 of Shifted

"You'll be fine, Hopey.” She tries to reassure me, “You always have been." I couldn't imagine a world without my grandmother. It simply didn't exist, and I didn't want it to. She was my parent; she was the only biological family I had left besides my daughter.

"Was Christmas good?" I ask, and she nods lightly and lifts her other hand to show me the diamond bracelet I had gifted her.

"Bury me in it, please." A sour taste comes to my mouth as my stomach twists from her words. She coughs again, and Dr. Sharma rushes over with a bucket as blood leaves her mouth. It stains her white coat, and a nurse follows in behind with towels as Grandma squeezes my hand.

"Remember that saying I used to tell you?” She whispers.

I shook my head un sure, she was wise and told them all. She always knew what to say when things weren’t going right or the world felt like it was in flame.

“When you pick a flower in a garden," she pauses, staring at me. “Which one do you pick?" Grandma asks, and I shrug.

"The most beautiful one?" The smallest smile forms against her lips through her pain.

"That's why I'm leaving, honey. Souls are taken from this world so they don't have to suffer anymore." She closes her eyes slowly, taking trembling breaths.

"Grandma." She opens her eyes at me again. She looked so tired, so weak. But I didn't want her to go; that was unbearable, and it wasn't happening now. It couldn't happen now. I couldn't lose grandma now; I needed her.

"Tell him," She speaks softly. “I always wished I had told the man that I loved that I did. Tell him, Hope, don’t hold the regret I did." My heart breaks from her words, like a knife twisting in my gut.

"Hope," she whispered, and her eyes fluttered shut slowly. I lifted her squeezed hands to my lips. She breathed slowly, her hand squeezing mine.

And soon, she wasn't squeezing my hand anymore, and the monitor slowed, and then it went flat. The world stood still. It was now a world with Mary Ellen Grace James, the woman I admire most in the world. My world once again shifted.

My head drops to her sheets, and I break. I don't know how the world works without you, Grandma. You were the woman who inspired me most, supported me, and kept me going.

I'm a lawyer because of Mary Ellen James.

I'm a mother because of Mary Ellen James.

I'm a kind person because of Mary Ellen James.

I am who I am because of Mary Ellen James.

Nothing works without Mary Ellen James.

Her left hand was loosely gripped to my bracelet. She knew she was leaving today. I wish I had been here all month, at Christmas, and spent more time with her.

Because that's the thing with grandparents: You take them for granted until one day, they're gone. My body feels like it could give. I feel nauseous from the thought of never hearing her laugh again. Her sweet voice when she sings lullabies to my baby girl, she'd never sing Jolene to her again. She'd never do anything with me again.

"Grandma," I crumble. No matter how many times I say her name, she won't wake. She won't hold and hug me when all else fails. I look up to her, Dr. Sharma. She looks solemn, and I know she's not permitted to cry. It comes with the job. But as she looks at me, she looks like she's about to crumble as well. Mary Ellen was an unexplainable source of light. She was fierce, brave, and kind. But that's the worst part of it all: the ‘she was’ the no longer ‘she is,’ and that realization shatters me. A knock comes at the door, and Dr. Sharma leaves me. She goes over to it.

"Is this Mary Ellen's room?" His voice sounds so small, smaller than ever, and as he comes into view, I'm shocked.

"Theo?" He looks at me and then at Mary Ellen. I watch his demeanor change within an instant. He comes over to me and gets me up from her bed, lifting me into his arms. He just holds me tight before any words leave my body. He already knows just by the sight of her.

"She's gone," And saying out loud is the first stage of grief. She's really gone. She's not here anymore, and Mary Ellen James is no longer living or breathing. I break into his arms again, the tears leaving temporarily staining his shirt.

"I'm so sorry, Hope." He soothed and held me as I cried, his arms wrapped around me tightly. I feel a kiss placed on my forehead, but then something wet. That's when I realized he was crying. He lost his Grandmother Windsor a few years ago, and she was home in itself.

"She's with Windsor," I mumbled.

"She is," He confirms as he begins to rock me in his arms. I bury my head in his chest as I shake. I sob uncontrollably, and I can't take it anymore.

"Theo?" I croak out.

"Yes, Hope."

"Why are you here?" I look to meet his eyes. I wondered how he knew or why he showed up here just in time. It’s like he knew I was going to be a lone and didn’t want me to be.

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