Page 134 of Prince of Pain

“The only other crutch you’ve had in your life is exercise. You have the gym here, I have coffee.” He eyeballed me, making me groan. “I’m sorry! I’m weak!”

“You’re not. You just need to go to the gym more and enjoy the endorphins,” he smirked, thankfully letting me finish my coffee before taking my hand. “C’mon, gym. Cathy? No more coffee, or I’m telling Mom.”

“Of course,” Cathy rambled, knowing she’d get fired if that happened, and my last lifeline was taken away from me just like that.

“I don’t want to work out. I’ll get all gross and sweaty,” I grumbled as he dragged me down the hallway, making him snort.

“Sweat is an ick for you now?”

“Well, no, but I’ll get tired!”

“Good, you need sleep and to make your brain tired to stop you from overthinking. Didn’t your therapist recommend some physical activity for that reason?”

“Yeah, but I was hoping fucking you would count as exercise,” I huffed.

Ryder was a tyrant in the gym. I’d gone a few times and thought he was going to kill me with all the running he made me do. I only humored him because now that I was eating three meals a day, I was getting chunky.

I was being dramatic, I hadn’t put that much weight on, but part of me was terrified of gaining more.

What if Ryder left me? He always said he didn’t have a type as long as it had a pussy, but I’d never seen him with chunky girls. He was totally going to leave me.

Could I get away with skipping lunches?

A hand cracked against my ass, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Whatever you’re thinking about, don’t. You’re dissociating,” he warned, knowing when I did that it was because I’d gotten inside my own head again. “Talk it through, don’t keep it to yourself.”

He was like a fucking rehab guru sometimes, and it got annoying, but I also loved him for it.

I blew out a breath, knowing he was good at erasing the doubt. “Working out would keep me smaller so you won’t leave me. You don’t like fat girls.”

Embarrassment washed through me, which was a side effect of being sober, so was shame.

I hadn’t missed this shit.

He took my shoulders, holding my gaze. “Who said I like a particular body type? You could be the size of a house, and I’d still love you. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.”

“My heart?”

“Your pussy,” he corrected, laughing as I swatted at him. “I’m kidding! I love you for you, okay? The only type I have is you. If they’re not you, I don’t want it.”

“But I’m not me anymore.”

“Wrong, you’re being yourself for the first time in years,” he said seriously, cupping my chin. “But you’re also still that girl who sat in my car talking in the middle of the night when we just wanted company, and the girl who’s bedroom window I’d sneak through just to sleep sometimes so we could be lonely together. We get each other, remember? You forget that we didn’t meet in high school after you’d gone off the rails, we grew up together watching cartoons and playing with your dolls. I think the way neither of us connect sex and love is a good thing because it means we look for love in other things. All girls have a pussy, but they don’t have your laugh, voice, or quirks. Sex isn’t love, the connection is. What I feel for you, I’ve never felt for anyone else.”

My eyes burned with tears, the negative thoughts washing away like they always did when he reassured me. “You’re kind of perfect, you know that?”

“I know,” he joked, dropping a kiss to my lips.

“I should’ve known. The Prince of Ashburn Valley’s always been a cocky asshole,” I sighed, squealing as he tossed me over his shoulder. “Ry!”

“Hush. You’re not getting out of exercise. You need to work off that caffeine, or you’ll be awake half the night,” he scolded, making me grin as I smacked his butt as I hung upside down. It was a nice view.

“If I’m not tired, you can wear me out in bed.”

“Trust me, you were going to be bouncing on my cock after dinner anyway. Gym, shower, dinner, fucking. In that order.”

“Yes, sir,” I deadpanned, laughing as he spanked me again.

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