Page 7 of Borden 3

He turned his body and peered down at me. There was something wicked in his stare when he said, “You wanna know something crazy? Something I never told anyone before?”

I squirmed at his attention. “What?”

“I love feeling scared.” He shrugged, thinking. “It’s like…I’m still normal. The last thing I feel is normal these days, do you know what I mean?”

I nodded slowly, absorbing his words. I knew exactly what he meant. “So…when you’re scared, it feels good?”

“Not always. It just makes me feel alive. Like my heart’s beating again, and I don’t have to pretend.”

It alarmed me how emotional I felt all of a sudden. I looked down as fresh tears sprung to my eyes. I nodded again, saying nothing. There was a lump in my throat. I felt him edge closer, but my walls were up straightaway. I felt wary. He said he’d never let anyone know something like that about him. Why did he tell me? A stranger. My voice came out accusing when I asked, “Why are you telling me this?”

His body shuffled. Next thing I knew, he was kneeling before me, his face a foot away from mine. I looked up at him, my eyes still raw with unshed tears.

“Because when I see a kid spending their nights huddled against an alleyway corner, begging not to be seen, I see myself in them.” His voice was a whisper, but it hit me like a physical caress against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. “It makes me wanna know ‘em.”

This time a tear slipped from my eye. He watched it crawl down my cheek. I squeezed my hands together, looking down at them. I felt transparent and…scared. I was terrified of this boy for noticing me. For having noticed me for a while judging by the fact he’d said he’d seen me here for nights now, and yet this was the first time I noticed him.

“So, you’re lost, and I’m lost,” he continued. “How about we be lost together?”

I didn’t understand what he meant. “How do we do that?”

“We be broken together.” He stood up now, and I looked away from my hands to peer up at him. He stared down at me, that heavy stare pinned on my face. “Last time I was huddled in that very same corner you’re sitting in, I would have given anything for someone to reach their hand out for me.”

To my surprise, he extended his bloodied hand out to me. “I promise, you won’t regret it.”

I took his hand quickly. Without thought. And he grinned at me as he pulled me up to my feet.

You won’t regret it…

You won’t regret it…

The boy in the alleyway had fed me the greatest lie.

And in my grief, in my loneliness, it was a lie I was more than prepared to believe.

“My name’s Theo, by the way,” he then said. “What’s yours?”

Chapter Four

Emma

It was a sombre morning. The sky was overcast. It didn’t rain, but there were enough tears shed that it didn’t make a difference. The pain felt like a separate entity you could reach out and touch.

My chest ached as I stared at Jason’s wife, Shaunie. She was hugging the coffin, her eyes hidden under the black veil. She kissed it one last time, and then let go. Instantly, the arms of her brother came around her, hugging her tightly. She wailed into his chest, inconsolable. He brushed her blonde curls, whispering tender words in her ear.

I tore my gaze away, swallowing hard as my eyes connected with Hector’s as he made his rounds across the cemetery grounds. His face was void of emotion. So used to death, I wondered if this even rattled him.

Before he could sense my stare, I turned my head to Borden. His jaw was locked, his eyes cast down, staring at the ground. He held my hand with one hand. The other was calmly resting on his knee, fingers wrapped loosely around his zippo lighter.

We said nothing.

I looked up, catching sight of a flock of black birds as they soared across the sky. A cold breeze swept through me, and I shivered. My eyes were raw, but I didn’t cry. I kept Jason at a distance. I keep all of them at a distance.

It still didn’t make it easier.

???

I wanted to crawl into bed the second we returned home later that afternoon. My black heels echoed with every step, so I stopped and undid them.

---