Page 20 of Borden 3

“I could never hate you,” I said, quietly. “It’s why it hurts when I think that maybe…I don’t know…maybe Kate was right for you. Maybe you miss her and wish…that it never ended.” I felt cheap saying that. Out of my comfort zone. Painfully honest in my insecurities. I also felt horrible to put that on him. Because she happened before me. Because it wasn’t any of my business. We had years together, but they had something I never had the courage to prod around to understand fully.

He smiled sadly, his eyes piercing mine. “Doll, you’re it for me.”

“But you loved her—”

“I never told her that.” His lips pressed together. “Perhaps I should have.”

“Is that what haunts you?”

“You haunt me.” He looked exasperated now as he leaned closer, trying to hold my gaze. “No one is better suited for me than you, Emma. It’s why I get so upset when you ask me to put Lincoln first. It reminds me that I dropped the fucking ball. That an enemy got to you and buried you and then sent me a photo that’s been fucking etched into my mind ever since. Five years the horror in your eyes has been on the forefront of my fucking mind. It’s why I have to protect you.”

“You put us in a house on the edge of nowhere with cameras everywhere and a damn watchtower outside the gates. Two of your men have died in the last six months. There has never been more blood on the streets. How much more can be done?” I leaned closer to him too, trying to talk sense to him. “And now you’re seeing Kate because she reminds you of what you have to lose. Marcus, things aren’t getting better, no matter how hard you try to keep this house of cards up.”

“What would you have me do?” It was a genuine question. He stared at me, imploring me. I couldn’t tell him to get out of this. He was in too deep. This was our life. I knew what I signed up for. I wanted this. No, I wanted him, and I accepted the risks, perhaps blindly at first, perhaps too hastily, yet I still wanted him despite the danger. But now that Lincoln was here, and people were dying… it suddenly felt like too much.

I couldn’t have something happen to our boy.

So I leaned in even closer, whispering, “Remind them why they fear you.”

“Baby, that’s what I’m trying to do.”

“No, you’re hiding it. It’s just whispers on the streets. Show them.”

His face fell. “And have you look at me like you lost another piece of yourself by loving me?”

“Marcus—”

“Doll, I die a little more inside every fucking time I see that look in your eye.”

“Then think of Lincoln.”

His jaw clenched. “That’s not fair.”

“Imagine losing him.” I knew that was the trigger. His face went so dark, I felt goosebumps run down my arms. I shivered, immediately grabbing at his hand. “Stay with me.”

“You want two men at once,” he huffed. “The cheeky man who laughs and fucks you over his desk, and then the scary man that spikes fear in the hearts of men. Which one do you want?”

“I love both, so I won’t choose.”

“Frustrating woman.”

“Frustrating villain.” I kissed his lips, and he shut his eyes at my touch. “Frustrating hero.”

He let out a sardonic laugh. “I am no hero.”

“To that little boy in the next room, you are. To me, you are. And fuck anyone who says otherwise. They don’t know you. I don’t want them to know you. You’re ours, Marcus Borden, and the real you is a treasure.”

He opened his eyes, and the amusement returned as he murmured, “I suppose that’s why women are brainless when it comes to men. They have to be fools to love us.”

His eyes heated at the smile tugging on my lips. “I am a very intelligent woman, Mr Borden.”

“What about when I fuck you?”

My cheeks warmed. “Don’t be one-sided. I think you lose your mind, too.”

He shook his head, looking almost sad. “You’re wrong, Doll. I lose my whole damn self in you.”

He crawled into bed and wrapped me in his large arms with my back pressed against his front. On our side, he held me for some time. He was burning hot to the touch, and immediately, I felt my body slow down. I traced the tattoos on his arms, my touch lingering on the scars and the fresh looking cuts.

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