“Emma, stop being weird.”
He stood up and kept his back to me as he strode to the river’s edge. He wore a sports jacket, but it was unzipped. The wind tore through him, whipping the jacket back, and yet he looked completely unbothered. Meanwhile I shivered.
“Would you leave with me?” he asked, his back still turned to me.
I crossed my arms, breathing into my scarf, pretending not to hear him. His words were carried by the wind. It was a good excuse.
But then he turned around and looked at me, his green eyes focused on mine. “Would you leave with me if I ran away?”
I looked back at him, this time unable to shirk the question. Would I leave with him? The question only brought on one thought.
Granny.
But then he stood there, full of despair and sadness. And I was at war within myself. In that quick moment, I considered what leaving meant. Hope suddenly blossomed. Perhaps Theo would never have to fight again. We could make it work without the nights spent chasing an answer to our void.
I couldn’t keep doing this.
I knew in my heart that I was reaching the end of the nightcrawler lifestyle. I had to make amends for my behaviour, and constantly putting myself in danger wasn't going to cut it.
“Will things be different?” I asked.
His eyes flashed. “Everything will be different.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know.”
But that wasn’t the right answer. He should have said he didn’t know but that he hoped. Did Theo hope for anything? I studied him again, and I felt trapped in my emotions because he really was there for me since Mom died. I felt so low, and then he came, and I’d been clinging to him since, through all the good and all the bad.
“I would go,” I whisper.
Theo came to me, dropped down to my feet and hugged me. “Wherever we go, I’ll never fight again. And maybe…we can actually give us a chance?”
I blinked back tears. Despite my clinging to him, I’d made myself unavailable in the physical sense. Since the bastion makeout and his departure, I wasn’t ready to feel that sort of pain again. Especially when it reminded me of the fact I’d almost gotten raped that night.
And there it was again.
The memory of that night.
I didn’t know why at that very moment as Theo was hugging me I thought of the stranger that saved me.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Emma
The sun slowly came up, lighting up the room slowly. I was raw from pain, from tiredness, from being fucked, no matter how tender it was. I’d barely slept. In and out of consciousness, constantly falling into a fit of bad dreams.
“When he is united, divide him.”
Cracking my eyes open to his voice, I didn’t see Borden next to me, but I sensed his presence in the room. I slowly turned around, catching his nude body standing before the window. He muttered that line again: When he is united, divide him. The blinds were half open; the sunlight flooded through it, lighting him up. He looked angelic, standing there, his eyes closed to the warm light. His giant form was not as intimidating in the way he rested his arm against the window, leaning his weight into it, his head bent low, that broken face full of emotion.
“Marcus,” I whispered.
At my voice, he stirred, opening his eyes. “Doll.”
“What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking…” He paused, brows furrowing in thought. “I’m thinking it’s time I stop being so fucking proud.”