Page 90 of Locke

But what about a sexy black girl like me?

Come on, a killer will want to be all up in this first, right?

Well, all bullshit aside, there are those fucking idiot girls that go down to the dark basement to buy a cold beer alone, and when they hear that noise behind them, they gasp and go, “hello?” Like poking the bear type of shit right there. These bitches are so infuriating, and you scream at the screen, like, “Bitch, ‘hello?’ Fucking runnnnn.”

Well, I think—god, I can’t believe I’m saying this—but I think I’d be that dumb bitch that goes down into those dark basements alone. And you know what? I think if I heard a noise behind me, I wouldn’t be running away from danger. Oh, nay, nay. I’m the type of lunatic, crazy ass bitch that would go straight toward danger instead.

Because I’ve been there, done that.

And right now, I’ve got danger stalking the shit out of me. He wants to take me again, whatever that means. But he needs me running first. And oh, how I love to run!

This suited monster in the dark lingers in the dark like he’s become One with that bullshit.

He’s destroying me slowly. Ruining my life. He is making sure I am standing in the aftermath of a blazing fire with nothing but fading embers around me.

And despite it all, I…fuck…I cannot for the life of me get this fucker out of my head. I can’t tell you how many times I have stroked my pussy just thinking about him being in my very room, possibly touching my bed. I can’t stop wondering if he inhaled the scent of me, if he got hard doing it, if he liked how I smell, how I look, how I’ve left my fucking diary wide fucking open for him to see.

Are you reading this right now?

Can you see how insane you’ve made me?

Asshole, asshole, asshole.

I hate you.

But it’s the kind of hate that I don’t want to shake.

What have you done to me?

Do you want me this way? Do you want me wanting things I had only desired in the littlest form before? You’ve stoked a fire in me, and now I’m burning alive.

I want you to take me. I want you to cage me, make me feel like a fucking whore for you. I want you to fuck me roughly like you did before—none of that gentle touch bullshit, either. And when I tell you “no” I want you to fuck me even harder. I’ll be scared. I’ll most likely cry. I’ll probably think you’re going to kill me. But I know that’s not what you want—or else you would have done that already.

You said you’re just as hooked as I am.

So come after me then.

Be my awakening.

I’ve been dead too long.

Make me come alive.

*

Kali, due to irreconcilable differences, I will no longer be requiring your services on Sundays. This was a difficult decision that I hope you will understand. Bye *peace sign*

My shoulders slumped at Derek’s message.

Irreconcilable differences like we were getting a divorce or some shit.

This was not a welcoming thing to wake up to. Not that I slept deeply or anything. Last night was traumatizing. And I couldn’t believe the fucking man who was responsible for firing me had forced me to give him a blowjob. Yeah, “forced,” keep telling yourself that, girl. My jaw ached, but nothing was dirtier than the shame I felt, especially because shame turned to uncontrollable desire when my pussy decided to have a say in matters. This bitch was going to be the death of me.

What a mess.

Locke dropped me off in front of the apartment, and I could hardly look at him. But I had felt his gaze the entire way to the front doors, like he needed to see me disappear inside. He wouldn’t know I’d spent ten minutes in the elevator just trying to catch my breath of everything that had happened.

I was absolutely certain I would never see those kids again. I rubbed my face, groaning as I rolled over, hugging the pillow to my chest. My eyes ached as I blinked them open. Part of me wanted to cry, but I couldn’t stand to be a wussy. I just lost two jobs within twenty-four hours, but I had the payroll job, and with that position, I could keep gaining experience before applying for my PCP designation. That would open a lot of doors for me, and I could demand a bit more pay—

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