Page 7 of It's Not All Fake

Ashley doesn’t know Liam’s name. We can talk about clients in a vague way—no names or specifics—since we’re both in the field and consult with each other on challenging clients. But we have to preserve confidentiality. Since we’re in public, I don’t even refer to him as a “client” out loud. He’s just some no-name random guy that two women happen to be talking about.

“I’m not supposed to lose it like that,” I huff, angry with myself.

Ashley dumps salsa onto her breakfast burrito. “Well, how did he react?”

I blush at the memory of how his dark brown eyes gazed at me. I felt an intimacy with him in that moment that no life coach should ever feel for their client.

“He, uh—apologized.” I stuff a tortilla chip in my mouth.

Ashley narrows her eyes at me. “And?”

“He touched my shoulders,” I admit. She studies me as she chews, waiting for more. “I didn’t correct him or anything,” I add. “It felt genuine, like he finally realized what he needs to work on.”

“Okay, so you lost your shit, but he responded really well to it by making progress. There’s something you’re not telling me, because I don’t see the problem.” Ashley raises an eyebrow. “Do you think you crossed a boundary?”

“Maybe,” I say. Definitely, I realize.

“Is this guy hot?” Ashley whispers the question conspiratorially.

I almost choke on my mimosa. “Um… objectively, yes.”

Ashley bursts out laughing. “Objectively?” She continues rolling with laughter. “Come on, Chloe.”

I laugh nervously. “Yes, he’s very good looking.” I slink down in my seat, hoping her laughter is not drawing attention to our conversation.

“You’re attracted to him,” she states definitively.

“No woman would not be attracted to him,” I defend myself clumsily. I reach for another chip and realize I have eaten them all.

Ashley gives me a knowing, motherly sort of smile. I imagine it’s a look she often gives her clients. “You’re human, Chloe. It’s not a crime to have the occasional sexual thought or fantasy about a—” she mouths the word “client.” “But if his ‘objective’ hotness is compromising your ability to be impartial and helpful, then you should end things. Refer out.” She whispers the last part.

I exhale slowly, considering my feelings towards Liam. It was just a passing feeling. A momentary spark because I was emotionally primed with the drama from Michael earlier in the day.

“I don’t think I’m compromised,” I decide, satisfied. I fix the strap of my tank top that had slipped off my shoulder and notice my skin beginning to burn under the midday sun. Liar, liar, you’re on fire, I think to myself. The thought strikes me as oddly amusing, but I quickly dismiss it.

Ashley chuckles. “Good. Wanna know what I think?”

I’m a little afraid to hear whatever hypothesis she’s cooked up, but I wait. She takes a long drink to finish her mimosa before she speaks.

“I think that you’re vulnerable to catching feelings for a good-looking cl—” she stops herself and says “c-word” instead of “client” “—because you were really fucked over by Lucas, and you want to feel good now.”

I wince, her words touching a nerve. I know there’s truth to it. “Damn, way to psychoanalyze me before noon.”

“Just be careful,” she reminds me.

I suck down the last of my drink and mull over her analysis. It’s refreshing in a way. Any improper feelings I had with Liam aren’t about him. It’s my own countertransference—my own stuff. Nothing to do with him.

Now that I’m aware of it, I can move forward and operate professionally. No problem.

CHAPTER FIVE

LIAM

Mom is curled in an oversized armchair near the open-air terrace, reading a book suggested to her by Chloe. Dusk has fallen and Mom clicks the knob on the table lamp beside her, turning up the brightness, as she pores over the pages.

I watch her from across the living room, taking a break from the emails on my laptop to wonder about her connection with her revered life coach. How can a twenty-something provide life guidance to a seventy-three-year-old? It’s not like Mom is trying to educate herself about social media.

But my session with Chloe two nights ago was far from what I expected. She provoked feelings that I did not want to have. Feelings from the past and in the present. I suppose it’s only natural to feel strongly towards your therapist or life coach with all those emotions being stirred up.

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