Page 68 of All That Glitters

The words somehow slip through lips that refuse to move. The second Marcus has my shirt in place, he pushes me back against the mountain of pillows, brings the blanket up over my shaking legs and settles in at my side hesitantly. He wraps his arm around me slowly, as though I’d somehow disappear. Or run.

As if I’d be able to move.

Right now, I’m stone. I’m jelly. I’m water dripping away in every direction at once, and the only thing I know is that I want to hear more about what he wants to say.

“I killed him,” he repeats. “I had no other choice.”

“There’s always a choice.”

“Not when it comes to you.” His voice hardens into something unbreakable. “He wanted to hurt you. He would have if I hadn't stepped in.”

I want to ask him what he means, but fear clenches my throat shut.

After my trip to the cemetery, I’d wondered about a way to keep Marcus in my life. He was only obligated to stay with me until I turned twenty-two, and unless I wanted to hire him permanently as a manager, I saw no other way to get him to stay.

I want him to stay.

The thought of him leaving cracked me in two.

Everything else had felt small in comparison. Now, those small things, like the sides of him he refused to show me, are massive. They are insurmountable hurdles. How can I love a man I don’t know? Because he touched me, kissed me? Made me come?

It doesn’t seem like a good enough reason, even with our shared history. I have to face the facts: Marcus is the kind of man who is comfortable with killing. He keeps a gun in his desk. He knows how to use it. He used it today without hesitation.

I’m staring at him and his familiar face, and I have to wonder who is really behind those brown eyes.

Someone wanted Marcus dead badly enough to cause a plane crash, and my parents were the ones who paid the cost. What kind of price will I have to pay? The thought has me shivering, and I wrap my arms tighter around me to try and keep in the heat.

“I don’t want you to be scared of me,” Marcus continues, a note of softness entering his tone. ‘The last thing I want is for you to be afraid of me.”

I open my mouth to tell him I’ll never be scared of him, but the words refuse to come out, because a part of me knows they’re a lie.

“The things we’ve done together…” He trails off. “I couldn’t stop myself, not with you. I want you so badly.”

I swallow over a huge lump in my throat.

He shifts to my side, lining his body up next to me, his heat seeping in through where we connect. “I want you to the point where I can barely breathe. You’re all I think about.”

It’s the same for me. Every waking moment is Marcus. Even when I close my eyes, I get no relief, because his face is right there alongside the nightmares. He’s my salvation and my damnation.

“But if we continue this thing between us,” he says, “then I’ll only ruin the good things in you. We can’t be together. We can never be together.” His grip on my shoulder tightens, and I allow him to pull me further into the safety of his arms.

Does it count for anything? I wonder distantly. How safe I’ve always felt with him? I’m invincible in his arms. Nothing can touch me when I’m with him. It’s as though the outside world doesn’t exist.

“I’ve wanted you for longer than it’s right and decent to want you. I’ve watched you grow from a sweetheart of a kid into a gorgeous and capable woman with the world at her fingertips. I’d ruin you.”

What if I want to be ruined?

Neither one of us is able to look at the other.

“I’ve wanted to tell you everything for the longest time, and I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. I haven’t wanted to change the way you look at me, because when you smile, it’s everything. You are everything to me, Empire.”

I’m quiet through his words, processing everything that’s happened, what he’s saying.

In my head, I see Parker on the floor. I feel the jerk in his body as the bullet rips through his chest.

“I’ll take care of you no matter what. If you trust me on nothing else, trust me on that,” Marcus says. “Do you understand?”

I’m not sure I understand anything anymore. I do know one thing for certain: the image of a man getting shot will play on my nightmares alongside the image of the plane crash. The one Marcus should have been in too.

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