Page 51 of Whatever You Want

His fingers skimmed along my knee. “I saw this gorgeous woman stalk across the bar and lay into my best friend.” I laughed at the memory. Marco had just broken Amelia’s heart, and I took the opportunity to let him know how I felt about it. “I was so damned turned on.” I smacked his shoulder, and he grinned. “You’re gorgeous, I’m not gonna lie. The physical attraction has always been there, but as I got to know you it turned into more than that.” He ran a hand down my leg; I was unprepared for the vulnerability I saw. “You weren’t mine then, and I know we wouldn’t be together if he were still alive.” Oh, my heart. I had no idea he ever felt this way. “I know I’m second best…”

“Stop.” I shook my head and wiped my eyes. “I’m with you because I want to be with you. Let’s leave it at that, okay?”

He cupped my face. “Ava, I was pulled in the second I saw you. These feelings I have, they’ve always been there. I know I don’t deserve you and I sure as hell shouldn’t have you, but I do. I promise, if you give us a chance, and let me in, I will give you whatever you want. I know I’m not your original plan, but sometimes what you thought would be isn’t always what life has in store for us.”

“Don’t make me cry.” I twisted in his lap. There was so much I wanted to say to that, but I was too choked up to speak.

“You have no idea what you do to me.” He swallowed hard. “How badly I want to promise you things.”

“Shh.” I pressed my mouth to his and moved my lips down his neck. “I like being with you, Logan. I can’t imagine feeling this way with anyone else.”

His arms folded around me. “Good, let’s keep it that way.”

I lifted the frame off the dresser and stared at the happy family in the picture. Drew was holding Madison on his hip while Ava leaned against his other side. Even though I knew it was irrational, I was envious of a dead man, simply because he had everything I ever wanted.

My marriage to Vanessa was a mess. Hell, keeping her happy was a full-time job. There were no tender moments or soft smiles. It was a relationship filled with bickering and resentment—nothing like what Ava and Drew had.

“That’s my dad,” Madison whispered softly. I set the frame down to face her.

“I know. You look just like him.” I moved across the room and sat next to her on the bed. It was clear that this little girl was still mourning the death of her father. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and take her pain away.

“I miss him.” My heart cracked open at the sadness in her eyes. I smoothed a piece of hair off her forehead as she snuggled into my side. It hurt knowing she was suffering, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. My throat got uncomfortably tight as I felt my dad instincts kick in. I thought about what I would want for Brina if the situation were reversed.

I would want someone to love her and look out for her. I wouldn’t want anyone to step into my shoes and replace me; instead, I would want them to have their own relationship. I would want her to have a safe place to go, where she could express her emotions. More importantly, I would never want her to feel alone.

I brought the blanket up to her chin. “If you ever want to talk about him, I’m here. Although I didn’t know him very well, I know he loved you and your mom very much and he wouldn’t want you to be sad.”

She pressed her head deeper into her pillow. “Okay.”

She seemed satisfied with that answer, but I could sense the tiny gears in her head working on another question.

Her little nose twitched. “Are you my mom’s boyfriend?”

I sucked in a breath and looked over my shoulder. Where the hell was Ava? We had just gotten back from the movies when she asked me to tuck Madison in. She had to be done folding the laundry by now, right?

“Why do you ask that?” I plowed a hand through my hair, stalling for time. I didn’t know how to answer that question and was afraid if I said the wrong thing, Ava would kill me.

It’s been two weeks since she’d spent the night at my house, and we’ve both been cautious around the girls. Sure, we’ve spent time together, just the four of us, doing simple things like going to the mall or out to dinner. If the weather was nice, Brina and Madison would spend their afternoons swimming in the backyard pool. Not once have we held hands or kissed in front of our kids. On the nights when Brina was with her mom, I came over after Madison was asleep and gone before she woke up. This was the first night where it was just the three of us.

She looked down at her light blue comforter. Her cheeks grew red. “I saw you guys kissing the other day.”

Apparently, we haven’t been as discreet as we thought.

“Oh, does that bother you?”

She shrugged her shoulders, and I reached for her hand, curling her tiny fingers underneath mine. “You can tell me if it does.”

I held my breath waiting for her answer. What the hell was I going to do if she said yes? Be patient, I reminded myself. This wasn’t about me.

She looked up at me. The innocence and concern in her eyes slayed me. “My mom is smiling again, so it doesn’t bother me. I didn’t like seeing her sad and crying all the time.”

“I’m glad to hear that, but just because I’m here, it doesn’t mean she still doesn’t get sad sometimes. She’s always going to love your dad, just like you do.”

Her eyes floated over to the family picture on her dresser. “My mom said he is my guardian angel in heaven, and he can see me, that’s why I talk to him sometimes.”

“I bet that makes him very happy.”

She sighed heavily, and I saw that faraway look creep back into her features. “He was the best daddy. He taught me how to ride my bike without training wheels, and how to play baseball.” Her eyes got watery. “My mom isn’t very good at throwing a ball, I don’t want to hurt her feelings though. But I’m afraid I won’t be good enough to make the team when I get to high school because I don’t have anyone to practice with.”

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