Page 39 of Whatever You Want

She nodded her head enthusiastically, causing me to laugh at her eagerness. “Great.” I turned to Brina. “Why don’t you and I go take a break while these two daredevils go hang their heads upside down on the ride.”

I watched Logan and Madison as they weaved their way through the crowd. He angled his head to the side, listening to her intently as she talked a mile a minute. It was so endearing to watch; I had a hard time taking my eyes off them.

I placed my hand on Brina’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s go find some food.”

We strolled over to one of the food trailers. I stopped and let her get a bag of cotton candy, something I could tell by the way her face lit up that her mother would never allow her to do. Whatever, you’re only young once. We found a picnic table under a big white tent. I sent a text to Logan telling him where we were. We ordered burgers and fries and sat down with plates and drinks.

“Does Madison’s dad like to go on upside rides too?” she asked while dipping her French fry in ketchup.

Answering these questions never got easier, and I couldn’t only imagine how my daughter felt when people would ask her about Drew.

“Her dad is in heaven, honey,” I tried to explain gently. I wasn’t sure how much she understood about death. It could be very confusing and overwhelming for a young child. I was about ready to explain that his body was no longer here but resting someplace else when she surprised me.

“You mean he’s dead?” Her little forehead wrinkled, and I blinked, trying to scramble for an answer.

“Yes, he is.” I gave her a sad smile, and twisted my hands in my lap.

“She must be sad not to have a dad anymore,” she lamented, and went back to eating her food.

“She misses him, but thankfully, she has family and friends like you that make her not feel so sad.”

She seemed to think that over for a minute. “My dad is a really good dad, and a lot of fun. She can come hang out with us when she gets sad.”

Oh, my heart just filled with joy and sorrow at the same time. “That is awfully nice of you. She loves spending time with you and your dad.”

I shifted on the wooden bench seat, twisting my ring on my finger. Sometimes it felt like just yesterday when Drew and I would do fun things like this as a family. It worried me how much Madison would remember as she got older. The last thing I wanted was for her ever to forget her father or how much he loved her.

Madison spotted me from across the crowd, running full speed ahead. She jumped into my lap, too excited to sit still. “Mom, that was so much fun. We tipped around like twenty times and I didn’t even get dizzy.”

I looked over at Logan, who looked a little green, and bit back a laugh.

“Can we go on the bumper cars now?” she asked me but looked to Logan for permission.

“Why don’t you take a break and eat something and then you can go on another ride.”

She hopped off my lap while Brina made room for her dad to sit next to her. He pressed a kiss on her forehead. “Having fun, sweetheart?”

She pulled her bag of cotton candy out from her side and grinned. He took the bag out of her hand, broke off a piece, and stuffed it in his mouth. I handed Madison hers and let her eat a small amount before she dug into her dinner.

Logan and I carried the plates to the trash can while the girls discussed which rides they were going on next. The four of us made our way up and down the midway, stopping at the long line for the bumper cars. An hour later, we were standing in front of Arcade Alley.

“Time to win my lady a prize,” Logan whispered in my ear playfully.

I backed up and put my hands in the air. “I’m not participating in this.”

“You know, that’s not very nice. You sound a little ungrateful.”

“Couldn’t you just win me one of those over-sized stuffed bears?”

He ignored me and ushered the girls over to the tent. I spotted a wine slushy stand a few feet away and headed in that direction. I leaned up against a pole, sipping on my frozen drink, and watched Logan and his playful antics. He was trying to show off for the small crowd that gathered around as he went through the bucket of ping-pong balls that he spent a fortune on. His eyebrows folded together in concentration before each throw. I wasn’t even paying attention to see if those little white balls reached their target. I was too busy laughing along with everyone else.

The girls came racing up to me, holding a clear plastic baggie in each of their hands. “Look,” they held the goldfish up, “you got two, so we each get to name them.”

Logan tucked his hands in his pockets with a sly grin on his face. He looked pretty damn pleased with himself.

“Well,” I sipped my slushy, wishing I could kiss that stupid grin off his face, “it looks like I’m the proud owner of two new pets.”

“That you are,” he confirmed. “You better take care of them. They are very expensive goldfish.” He backed away. “Now I think it’s time I go win these girls a prize. I can’t let them go home empty-handed.”

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