Page 3 of Whatever You Want

It certainly wasn’t my best moment. I wasn’t proud of how I behaved, but there wasn’t much I could do about it other than own it and apologize.

“You were grieving, Ava. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

I ran my hands along the paper cup. “Thank you for saying that, but that’s no excuse for my rude behavior. Somehow, in my messed-up head, I associated you with my pain and suffering because you were the one who told me about Drew. I understand now that it was irrational to feel that way.” When our eyes locked, something soft flutter in my stomach. “That day at the cemetery, I lost all sense of reality. I just wanted to get the hell out of there, and then you stopped me.”

“From falling, but apparently not from running.”

I ducked my head to the side, avoiding his gaze. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Will you please stop apologizing.” He gripped the back of his neck. “I’ve dealt with a lot of fatalities over the years and have knocked on many doors. Everyone handles grief differently. I’m just glad to see you’re in a better place.”

I picked at my white napkin, feeling more nervous than I wanted to admit. “It’s been a long year.”

I still missed Drew, and in a way, I always would, but I couldn’t keep living in the past. The grief was eating me alive, and if I wanted to survive, I needed to keep moving forward, regardless of how difficult it was. I had a young daughter who needed me.

“I’m sure it hasn’t been easy, but you’ve come a long way; I hope you realize that.”

“Thank you.” I swallowed, feeling awkward under his praise. “I do know that, and I’m fine now.”

I gave him the same rehearsed widow response I’ve given everyone else.

He didn’t look like he believed me. I forgot that this man interrogated people for a living.

“Okay.” I held my hands up. “I’m not a complete mess like I was in the beginning. How’s that?”

He smirked. “Better.”

I liked that he wasn’t treating me with kid gloves. That he wasn’t being cautious with his words, even though he should have after the way I’ve behaved. He watched me intently, and I had to admit, it was nice not having to act like I had my shit together. Just sitting back and relaxing without any expectations or worrying about putting on a show was a welcome change, even if his smile was a bit disarming.

“So, how have you been? I’m sure your life has been more exciting than mine.”

“I’ve been all right. Nothing to write home about.”

“Yeah, right. If only I could get out half as much as you do,” I said, adding a healthy dose of sarcasm. “Going to the bars every weekend and fighting off all those attractive women must be hard.” I rolled my eyes, catching sight of those dimples.

He leaned forward, keeping his gaze fixed on mine. “The guy who used to be my wingman is sitting upstairs in the maternity ward holding his newborn daughter. In fact, all my friends seem to be settling down. Despite what you think, I don’t get out as much as I used to.”

“I didn’t mean…” I shook my head. “I’m sorry,” I said, wishing I had a shot of whiskey in front of me instead of a cup of coffee.

“Ava.” He laughed and shook his head. “You did mean to say that, so don’t apologize. Admit it, you just can’t help yourself. You love to bust my balls. And lucky for you, I’ve got some pretty big balls to bust.”

“And a pretty big ego too.” I snorted because I couldn’t help it. There was something about Logan that I found endearing. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but he had a way of making me feel comfortable. He was easygoing, and I couldn’t for the life of me, understand how this man was still single.

“Maybe you could be my new wingman,” he said with a teasing grin.

“I don’t think so.”

Going to bars and helping him score dates, no thank you. For some reason, that thought left a sour taste in my mouth.

“You don’t know what you’re missing.” His eyes sparkled, and I squirmed in my seat at the attention he was giving me.

“You just told me you don’t go out that much anymore.”

“For you I’d make an exception.”

Such a flirt.

“Maybe we could settle on being friends,” I suggested while playing with the little black straw in my cup like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

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