Page 100 of Whatever You Want

I placed my trembling hand on his chest and closed my eyes. His heart was pounding, and for the first time since Drew’s death, it felt like he was here with me. I didn’t feel the familiar pain or loss. Instead, my soul felt at peace.

“I can never thank you enough.” His voice sounded so small as he shook his head, overcome with emotion.

Slowly, I lifted my gaze to Logan’s. The expression on his face broke something inside of me. His eyes were cast down to the ground; I couldn’t quite read him, but it didn’t look good. His shoulders looked deflated, like he was worried this would somehow change things between us. My stomach pinched with worry. Did he think that this would somehow make me love him any less? It only made me love him even more. If this wasn’t a sign that fate put us together, I don’t know what was.

I swiped a hand across my cheek and rested it against Luke’s beating heart. My husband’s heart. This was my chance to say goodbye. “Thank you for loving me.” I closed my eyes and smiled. “You gave me a good life, but now it’s time to say goodbye.” A new wave of tears sprung free, but they weren’t sad. There was solace in the fact that there was a part of him that would live on. His big, beautiful heart was giving life and breath to someone else. It saved a son, a brother, a friend, and so much more. Now, it was time for that heart to go on and beat for someone else.

Logan’s gaze was turned away. He was still unable to meet my eyes.

I moved my hand up to Luke’s cheek. “You’re right, you have a gift. That’s what they call it, the gift of life.” I allowed myself a minute to get my emotions under control. “Don’t waste it. Find the right person to share this with.”

He nodded and brushed his lips to my forehead. “I’m going to give you both some privacy.” He turned and placed a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “I know this is a lot to wrap your head around. This doesn’t have to change anything. Things don’t have to be weird.”

There was a thick, heavy silence filling the room as we watched his brother leave. I squeezed my eyes shut, allowing myself a minute to collect my thoughts.

The door clicked shut, and I turned my focus to Logan. I approached him with slow steps, never taking my eyes off of him. I studied his face carefully, trying to figure out how to calm his fears.

“I need you to understand something.” I reached for his hand and closed my eyes when his thumb rubbed over the top of it. “I loved Drew, I really did, but I’m no longer in love with him. I haven’t been for a long time.” I inhaled slowly. “Our love was sweet and steady, but our ending was cut short. There will always be a hole in my heart that he left behind, but you fill up the parts that matter.” His eyes locked on mine. “I might have been his forever, but he wasn’t mine.” He brushed a lock of hair away from my face. “Writing that letter was my way of saying goodbye. Your brother may have Drew’s heart inside his chest, but yours is the only one I want.”

He pressed his forehead to mine, and I could feel his sense of relief. “I’m sorry that you feel the need to reassure me. This news is a lot to take in. I freaked out for a moment. Only because you hold so much power over me, Ava. I don’t think you realize how deep my love for you flows.” He shook his head. “For a split second I felt you slipping away from me, and I just wanted to pull you back.” His voice was strained and conflicted. “I was afraid that this would somehow come between us. I know it’s stupid, but it seemed like we had finally moved forward and I love you too much, the thought of going backward…”

“Shh…” I placed a finger over his lips. “We are not going backward.”

He dropped his face into my neck. “Now I feel like an asshole. Luke has wanted to meet his donor family since the second he opened his eyes after the surgery. I took that joy away from him.”

I played with the hair on the back of his neck. “I’m glad it was him. I can’t think of anyone more deserving.”

“You can trust him to take care of that heart.” He placed a tender kiss on my forehead. “I promise.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Taking Drew off the ventilator was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but knowing I saved your brother’s life takes some of that pain away.”

He leaned back and studied me. “So, we’re good?”

“One hundred percent.” I smiled up at him. “I want this to officially be the end of this chapter. It’s time to start a new one. Together.”

Eight months later

“Ava, what do you think you’re doing?” I asked, standing over the top of her as she lay splayed across the back of the boat.

Her hand flew to her chest, which caused her phone to fall on the floor. “Jesus. You scared me.”

I bent down and noticed the Kindle app open. Holding it up out of reach, I gave her a stern look. “I am so disappointed in you right now.”

She rolled her eyes and tried to snatch the phone out of my hands, but I wasn’t having it. “I don’t think so, sweetheart. We had a deal.”

Ava pushed herself up to a sitting position. My eyes landed on the fishing pole that was resting along the back of the seat. “That’s supposed to be in the water,” I pointed out, trying to act like I don’t find this whole thing amusing.

“You fell asleep. I was bored, because news flash”—she threw her hands out to the side—“this is boring!”

“I thought I could trust you, but clearly I can’t. I rested my eyes for ten minutes.”

“Right.” She batted her eyelashes. “You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you.”

I tucked her phone in the pocket of my swim trunks—another boat whipped by, causing ours to rock slightly. I held out my hand. “How about we take a break and have some lunch.”

She placed her palm in mine so I could pull her up. “That’s the best idea you had all day.” She looked relieved as she glanced around Mirror Lake. My parents rented the same camp as they did last summer. Ava and I made a compromise. We each got to pick one trip a year. So, in February, we took the girls to Disney World and then spent a couple of days on the beach. And this trip was mine, although it would be a lot more enjoyable if she weren’t so grumpy about fishing.

“What is all this?” she asked as I lifted the lid off the cooler. I laid the cheese, nuts, crackers, and olives carefully along the small white table. My hands shook as I reached for the bottle of champagne under the ice.

---