Page 17 of Raze

“He’s right.” Ruckus stands up next to me. “You can’t be blamin’ Saint for the shit that Sinner pulls. He got no control over it and no recollection.”

“And just how often do we get a visit from Sinner,” Raze speaks through his teeth.

“Whenever Sinner wants to show up,” Ruckus laughs.

“Prez, can we talk?” Saint steps up behind him.

“I ain’t in the mood,” Raze growls back.

“I just wanted ya to know that whatever Sinner did, may not have been my fault, but I’m real sorry on his behalf.”

“Yeah, well I’m sorry for what's gonna happen to your body when he decides to make his next appearance.” Raze knocks back his drink then shoulder barges past him and heads for the office.

“I got it.” I tap Ruckus on the shoulder and follow after him, letting myself inside without knocking, and then closing the door behind me.

“Hear ya got a female stayin’ at your place.” I start off, looking around the office that used to be my father's. It still smells of him in here and it puts a nasty taste in my mouth.

“This ain’t about her if that's what you're thinkin’.” Raze cuts me off. “This is about brothers not following fuckin’ orders. This charter needs bringing into line and I can’t do that if my members ain’t showin’ no respect.” He pulls open the top drawer and then slams it back shut again. I can sense that now ain’t the time to be askin’, but I can’t help myself.

“Ya started looking for her yet?” I take a seat and use my mouth to pull a smoke outta the packet.

He looks up at me and I can tell from the shock in his eyes that he had no intention of telling me that Eden is still alive.

“Yeah, I got a call from Consuela too.” I manage to hold back my anger, but it’s real hard to hide my hurt. Growing up I looked up to Raze, I aspired to be him and I know I let him down, but him knowing that his sister’s still out there and not telling me about it feels like a betrayal.

“Wrath, I've been in town for five goddamn minutes.” He shakes his head.

“I get that, but we both know that she’s the reason we’re here,” I point out.

“And what do you suppose we’re gonna say to her when we find her?” He stares at me with a pain in his eyes that I told myself ten years ago I never wanted to see again. “We failed her, Wrath. So bad that she wanted us to think she was dead.” He reminds me of a cold hard fact that's been weighing me down ever since the ATF agent who helped Jimmer save the club, got in touch with me. I have no idea how the hell she knew about my past but she was hell-bent on ensuring Jimmer Carson’s plan to have me and Raze back in Long Beach came together.

“That doesn’t change the fact that we’re both here. Back in fuckin’ hell.” I call him out because I need him to know that I’m not the same eighteen year old kid who he mentored. I’m not scared of shit anymore, not even my past. He wanted me to come here and be his VP and here I fuckin’ am.

“We should talk about what happened…” I lower my voice and feel that steel cold fist, that's permanently inside me, clench around my heart.

“No.” He cuts me off firmly. “I don’t wanna talk about it, I don’t wanna picture it. I don’t even wanna fuckin’ think about it.” He looks away from me and shakes his head. “Yeah, I came back here because of her, but only to check that she’s okay. She doesn’t want me in her life and I accept that. And the same goes for you.” He points his finger at me, making it sound like an order. I notice the way it trembles. I just can’t decide if it’s out of fear or out of rage.

“I already know she’s not gonna want me in her life, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make sure she’s safe and has everythin’ she needs. I’ll help you get this club back on its feet, but I’ll make this clear to you now, Raze. Your sister is my priority, and I’m sorry to ya for a lot of things, but I’ll make no apologies for that.” I get up and leave him to think on what I just said. It’s time I had a drink with my best friend.

“Ouch.” I massage my temple when I try to sit up from where I’m lying on the couch. It feels like there’s a stampede happening inside my head and it’s far too heavy for me to lift.

“You deserve that, it might make you think twice about disobeyin’ my rules.”

I realize Raze is here when I hear his voice and then suffer the pain of turning my head to see him sitting at his kitchen table with a collection of weapons laid out in front of him.

“You gonna shoot me?” I croak, noting that it’s dark outside. I must have been asleep for hours.

“I’m not kind enough to put you out of your misery,” he laughs, sliding a clip back into the gun he’s holding and starting to pack them all up into a backpack. I watch the way his muscles tense and admire the veins that run from his hands up his arms.

He clears his throat when he catches me staring, and I quickly look down at the blanket that's been placed over me, and twiddle with a loose thread.

“Take the Advil, it’ll help.” He crushes out his cigarette in the ashtray and flings the bag over his shoulder.

“You going somewhere?” I ask, sitting myself up and taking the glass of water that’s been placed on the coffee table beside me along with two pills.

“Yeah, I’m goin’ somewhere.” He gives nothing away, still looking mad at me as he marches out the door and I hate that it puts a sinking feeling into my stomach.

I really fucked up today and now it’s only a matter of time before Raze asks me to leave. I don’t want to be back on the road by myself again, constantly looking over my shoulder and waiting for Satan's Reapers to catch up with me.

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