Page 84 of Condemned Soul

“I may be leavin’ Jess in charge of the club, but I’m trustin’ you with the biggest responsibility of all. The thing I’m most proud of.” He looks away from me when the tears in his eyes start to spill. Wiping them away he locks me into his stare again. “Nyx, there’s no one in this club that has surprised me more than you. You were a reckless prospect who everyone had their doubts about, and look at ya now. You got me my daughter back, you gave me two beautiful grandkids, and on top of all that you show me every day that you're a man who deserves ‘em.” I watch him twist the club founder’s ring he’s wearing off his finger and when he holds it out to me I stare at it in shock.

“It’s tradition for all original members to pass this down to their sons. This belongs to you, now.”

“Prez.” I feel my own eyes fill up as I continue to focus on what he’s offering.

“Come on, none of that, you gotta be strong for her. Take the damn ring, Nyx.” He forces it closer to me and I wrap my fist around his hand and squeeze it with all the pain, frustration, and love that’s flooding my chest. I nod my head at him because right now trying to put into words what this means to me is impossible.

“If I had my time with my girls again, I’d be just like you. You’ve taught me a lot,” he admits as I take the ring and slide it onto my finger.

“I won’t let ya down, I won’t ever make you regret givin’ me a shot,” I promise. “They will always be my priority, you got my word on that.”

Prez smiles at me appreciatively.

“It’s taken me some time to accept this, I've gone through a whole lotta denial. To even think about lettin’ them go has torn me to shreds, but knowin’ that I’m leavin’ ‘em in your protection makes it a damn sight easier. I love you, son. I love you for the ways you love my daughter and the pride I see on your face when you look at my grandchildren. I love you for always puttin’ ‘em before yourself, and how happy you make ‘em. Now, you go do that for me. Be all the things that I can’t, value every smile, and hold every hug that little bit tighter in your arms.” He forges a smile for me as he nods his head toward the door and gestures for me to leave.

We both stand up and I move around the tables so I can grab him.

“I love you too.” I grip him tight, “And I’ll love ‘em enough for us both. I won’t let ya down,” I assure him again, all while trying to keep it together.

“You never have.” He laughs. “Hell, I never thought I’d say it, but meetin’ you was the best thing that ever happened to my daughter.” His palm slaps hard at my leather cut.

“Now get the fuck outta here.” I see through the brave look on his face when he pulls away from me, and I show him the same strength. He needs to know I’m gonna get Ella through this. Turning my back on him, I head out the door and into the waiting room and a guard closes the door behind me. He starts to move across the floor to open the door that leads out to Ella, but I stop him.

“Just give me a second.” I let out a deep breath and head over to the corner of the room, pressing my palm to the wall and lowering my head. I let the hurt and anger, of all I’ve just learned, creep its way into my fist as I slam it into the wall and growl out my frustration. I let the tears I’ve been holding back release as I stare at the white flakey paint, and try to figure how the hell I’m gonna get myself through this.

I’ve only just lost Tac, this cruel, fucked-up world keeps taking the people I care about away from me and everything feels outta my control. How can I protect Ella and the kids from a world that keeps on punishing? I close my eyes and when I picture Ella’s face, it suddenly all becomes clear. I can’t allow hurt and fear to stop me from doing what's needed. I look at the ring that’s now on my finger and think about the man who just gave it to me, and I find the will to pull myself together. Breathing myself calm, I look up at the ceiling hoping God’s got my back. Then, wiping the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand, I take a few more of those breaths before I turn back around to nod at the guard.

He opens the door and when I step through it and see the beam that's on my wife’s face, I manage a smile just for her.

“He’s ready for ya, darlin’.” My heart breaks when she hops up off her chair and kisses me on her way past, but I still hold it together. I have to. I just gave a dying man my word.

I watch my daughter walk into the room with eyes so full of hope and expectation that it chokes me.

“Dad.” She rushes toward me, hugging me tight, and allowing me to absorb every single ounce of her goodness. I can’t think about the fact that this will be the last time I see her. It makes me too sad, and right now I have to show my girl that I’m okay with what’s happening.

“It’s good to see ya, darlin’.” I hold on to her for a little while longer and when I eventually let her go, she hits me with a cold hard stare as she takes her seat.

“Now, are you gonna explain to me why you’ve called every member of your club in here before me?” She crosses her arms over her chest and waits for my explanation.

“I’m sorry, it’s been tough for me, and I know it’s been tough for you too.” I hold my hands up in defense. “None of this is what I wanted for you, Ella,” I admit, already struggling to look her in the eyes. How can you stay strong when you know you're about to break your little girl's heart?

“Then do something about it. Listen to Jessie. Let Monica represent you and come home.” She makes it all sound so easy, and if I had one wish it would be to not have to dash all her hope.

“I wish it were that simple, sweetheart, and you need to believe me when I tell ya, it’s takin’ the only thing that none of us can avoid to drag me away from you.”

“Dad, you can beat the law, you’ve done it before.” She still has all that enthusiasm and fight behind her words and when I reach forward and take her hands in mine I savor how she looks one last time before I crush her.

“This time I ain’t up against the law, baby, this is an enemy that don’t fight fair,” I rasp, watching her face screw up with confusion.

“I’ve got a tumor, darlin’, one that refuses to stop growin’ and one that's determined to kill me.”

Her face remains stuck, but her eyes slowly fill up with tears as she takes in what I’ve told her

“No.” Her head shakes and her hands, blanketed with mine, start to tremble. “You can’t have a tumor. I’d know about it.” The devastation she stares back at me with makes me wanna break down, but that ain’t an option.

“I didn’t allow you to know about it,” I admit.

“Why?” She looks so fuckin’ hurt that it wrenches my heart out my chest. “Because when you’ve missed out on your little girl's life and you finally get her back, all you want is to see her be happy. I’ve watched that happen, Ella. I wasn’t gonna ruin that and give ya somethin’ to worry about.” I pull together a smile for her and hold on to my tears.

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