Page 52 of Condemned Soul

“C’mon, we’ve been through worse than this, look what happened to the last agent that tried takin’ us down.” I glance around the room and check for cameras.

“Don’t worry, you can talk freely here, no bugs, no cameras,” he assures me and I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“You believe that, Jimmer? This is the AT fuckin’ F, they’re gonna be listenin’ in.”

“I told ya, I struck a deal, they’re gettin’ one helluva confession outta me, and they’re puttin’ me away for good. For that, I’m gettin’ the club full immunity from anythin’ they have on their file,” he explains as if he actually thinks this is gonna happen.

“Jimmer, ya can’t trust these people. This place…” I search around the room still trying to figure out what this is.

“I can stay here while I make my statement, Consuela says she can give me a few weeks, there’s no visitation restrictions so I can help you for a while.”

“A while. Prez, d’ya know what will happen when they put you in prison? The place is full of men we’ve either helped put away or made enemies outta. You rule the streets out here, but in there, it’s full of the scum you’ve cleaned up. You’re gonna be a target,” I tell him what he must already know and he shrugs his shoulders like it ain’t a big deal.

“Maybe so, every man’s gotta meet his maker one day, Jess.”

“Stop that.” I slide back on my chair and stand up. “Stop soundin’ like you’ve given up. I’m gonna get Monica on this and we’re bringin’ you home.”

“No,” he tells me sternly. “I’m still the president of this club and I’m tellin’ ya how it’s gonna be. I got an opportunity to protect you, to make sure all my brothers stay with their loved ones, and this is my choice.” He holds firm and goddamn don’t I wanna shake him?

“At what cost? What about Ella? This is killin’ her. You got grandkids, Jimmer. D’ya really wanna miss out on their lives?” He turns his head to look away from me when I make him face up to the reality of all this. “Look at what you're doin’ here, Prez, look at what you're throwin’ away.” I try to make him realize what he’s doing because right now, and for the first time in my life, I’m questioning his sanity.

“Don’t ya think I haven’t thought about that? Don’t ya think I wish it could be different, but ask yourself who Ella needs the most. Her dad or her husband? Who do my grandbabies need, their grandpa or their father? Who does Maddy, and your sister need, because if I don’t do this everybody loses.” His eyes glisten with tears that I know he’s too proud to shed. But I let him see mine.

“I can’t,” I admit, feeling like I’m failing him already.

“Sit back down, Jess,” he orders, and when I slowly do as he says he takes my hands and grips ‘em tight.

“I’m gonna tell ya somethin’ that only your pa knew.” He takes a breath and focuses his eyes on mine. “When Mary-Ann told me she was pregnant with Hayley I was angry. Kids weren’t part of my plan, and kids with her certainly weren’t part of the plan.” I frown at him wonderin’ what he means by that. I spent half my childhood living with Mary-Ann and Hayley. “Now, I know Mary-Ann played her part in raisin’ ya, and you’ll always respect her for that, but she wasn’t always who she portrayed herself to be. By the time you came to Colorado, she’d done some acceptin’, but before that things were tough. There were rumors and speculation that it wasn’t just me who could have been Hayley’s father.” Suddenly, my stomach turns cold.

“That’s fuckin’ ridiculous, of course, you’re Hayley’s father!” I don’t know what he’s trying to distract me with here, but it’s bullshit

“Mary-Ann used Hayley like a bargainin’ tool when she first came along, she thought bein’ a father would bring me to heel. Some lawyer I had at the time suggested I do a paternity test in case things ended up goin’ to court.”

“No…” I shake my head. “You are not gonna sit there and tell me that Hayley wasn’t yours.” I’ve dealt with enough of his secrets today.

“I’m not gonna tell ya that, because the truth is, I don’t know. I never opened the results when they came. I didn’t wanna know, because that kid that I was determined I didn’t want, turned my life around. She made me think differently and she made me take the club I was buildin’ in a whole new direction. It stopped bein’ about drug and gun runnin’. It became the family I wanted. I wanted her and Ella to have a family they could always rely on, I wanted you…” He reaches his finger over the table and digs it into the center of my chest. “…to have what your dad wanted for ya too. I may have screwed up a lotta things along the way, but lookin’ around that yard today, seein’ that I achieved that, makes the sacrifice I’m makin’ here worth it.”

“You never read the results,” I repeat his words, wondering how he could have lived all this time never knowing.

“I was too scared to,” he admits. “Just like you're scared, now. And this is what I’m tryin’ to tell you, Jess. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be uncertain. You just have to trust your instinct. This is my choice. You can’t control it. I’m doin’ this, and you can hate me, and yell at me all ya want, but I know it’s the right thing to do. For my family.” I close my eyes and feel a tear slip onto my cheek as we sit for a few minutes in silence.

“I’ll find another way.” Eventually, I stand back up and this time it’s me pointing my finger at him.

“Jessie,” he calls after me when I head for the door and press the buzzer for the guard to let me out.

“Jessie, wait…!” I can hear the anger in his voice before I turn around.

“I’ll find another way,” I tell him again when the door opens and then before he can argue, I storm out and head for my bike. There’s no way I’m giving up on him. Not a fuckin’ chance.

Everyone around the table is in shock when Jessie finishes explaining why Prez was arrested. No one's got anything clever to say, not even Squealer, and the vacant look on everyone’s face as the silence becomes too heavy to bear makes it impossible for me to stick around. I get up from the table and storm out the doors, jumping on my bike and riding up to the spot where my dad is buried. There’s a plaque on the tree that he’s resting under that says his name and I sit with my back resting against its trunk and try to clear my mind of all the thoughts racing through it.

I shouldn’t be mad at the world, not when it’s given me so much. Paige, forgiveness, a chance at a fresh start. They are all things I wouldn't have if it wasn’t for Jimmer. I slide the grass between my fingers and wonder what Tac would say to me if he was here. I never really got a chance to know him. But everyone around here likes to talk about him. Sometimes, it’s as if they expect the door to open and him to walk through it like he’s been on a vacation.

“You wanna talk about it?” I look up and see my girl standing in front of me, her long, pink hair is plaited over one shoulder and the cropped sweater she’s got on exposes her midriff. “I can leave ya to it if you…”

“Stay.” I tap the ground to invite her to join me.

“You know, Marilyn leaves these here?” She traces her fingers over the petals of the pretty, pink flowers that are laid out between us.

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