Page 33 of Condemned Soul

“You're worried about something. I can tell.” She narrows her eyes at me.

“What makes ya think that, Joanne?” I turn my full attention to her, wondering what she thinks gives her the right to try and read my thoughts after all these years.

“Because it may have been a long time, but I still know you. What is it?”

“Even if you were the person who could fix it, I wouldn’t tell ya.” I scoff a laugh at her.

“Jimmer, I know you hate me for what I did and I deserve that hate, but I’m trying to do right by our daughter now.”

There’s so much I wanna say to her but I can’t. Joanne doesn’t deserve to know the thoughts that are in my head and I won’t let her back into it either.

“I think we figured out a long time ago that your idea of what’s right for our daughter and mine are very different,” I remind her, trying not to think about the man who she married and how he put his hands on my girl. I swear what we put that man through wasn’t enough.

“Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I’d have made a different choice?” She steps a little closer and when her hand reaches up to touch my face, I don’t reject it like I should.

“All I ever did was fuckin’ wonder,” I admit, handing over a little weakness for her to toy with.

“I mean it when I say I’m sorry.” She closes her eyes.

“Why’s that, Joanne? Because of the bad things that happened to her or the bad things that happened to you?” I pierce her with a stone-cold glare when she opens them again.

“Because of all of it.” She has tears running over her cheeks now and I can’t help wondering if they’re genuine. I don’t feel like I can trust anything about this woman. And yet I want to. I want to so bad that it fuckin’ hurts.

“I wish I could make it up to you, and to her.” Her lips get closer to mine and I still do nothing, not even when they connect. The touch of them brings back memories that should remain buried with the bad ones because even the best of them are tainted now. Rotten and cursed. Joanne destroyed me once and I can’t let her do it again.

All of a sudden I feel outta control. I have to remind myself of who I am. Jimmer Carson, President and Founder of The Dirty Souls MC, and I will not be controlled by anyone.

“Get outta my house.” I take Joanne by her shoulders and force her away, heading back inside to pick up my cut before I march out the door.

It’s getting dusk and I’m sure Maddy will be back from the office, so I pull up outside her and Jessie’s cabin and head inside without knocking. I walk in on the two of them fuckin’ on the kitchen table and quickly turn my back.

“Prez!” Jessie's voice comes out much more squeaky than usual.

“I need ya to find an address for me.” I keep my eyes focused on the wall in front of me while the two of them make themselves decent.

“Right now?” I can hear the desperation in Jessie’s tone.

“Yeah, right now.” I wait until Maddy tells me she’s ready before I give her the name but I still don’t turn around. I can imagine the girl’s feeling pretty embarrassed that I’ve seen her in the position Jessie had her in and the room is so silent that I hear her fingers tapping against the keyboard as she does her magic. The irritation I’m feeling just keeps on getting stronger.

“Here.” She moves to stand in front of me, wearing Jessie’s t-shirt and an awkward look on her face as she holds out the Post-it note with an address on it.

“Prez, this woman, she’s a?—”

“I know what she is.” I snatch the paper from her hand and leave them to get back to what they were doing. Reading the address as I storm back toward my bike. I hear Jessie calling after me and when I take my saddle, I decide to hear him out before I start the engine.

“Prez, what the fuck is this? You know you’re not supposed to ride alone. And Maddy says this woman’s a fuckin’ agent.”

“This is my club, Jess, I know what I’m doin’.” I go to start up my engine but he shoves my hand off my bars in anger.

“Bullshit, this is our club and we don’t have secrets. What the fuck is goin’ on?”

“Jessie, I need you to trust me on this,” I tell him with a serious-as-shit look on my face.

“You know what hurts most… is that you don’t trust me.” He shakes his head with disappointment as he turns his back on me and storms back into his cabin.

With my heart feeling like a brick that’s sinking into my stomach I start my engine and drive away. I don’t go to the address on the Post-it note. I don’t go home. I just ride.

I drag myself up out of the pool pit and wipe the blood from my lip. Then, staring at the beaten body laid out on the bottom of the empty pool, I wish it belonged to Cliff when I see the smug smile he’s giving me from

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