Page 90 of Condemned Soul

“You need to open that letter.” Maddy comes outta the bathroom and sits beside me at the table when she notices me staring at it again.

“He had things he wanted to say to you. Don’t you wanna know what they are?”

I don’t answer her because I have no fuckin’ words. All I have is anger and hurt and I know what a lethal combination that can be. I found out the day after the incident who was responsible and since then all I’ve been able to think about is destroying everything he deemed important. I have to shut Maddy and everyone else out because I don’t want them to know the thoughts that are going through my head.

“Jessie, you need—” She looks past me when the cabin door opens but I remain staring at the way my name looks in his handwriting. I feel a hand squeeze my shoulder but still don’t bother turning around to see who it is.

“How ya holdin’ up?” Skid’s deep voice is much softer than usual and when Maddy smiles up at him sadly I want to scream at them both for pitying me.

“Listen, Jess. I’ve been tryin’ to find the right time to do this, and I figured that today would be fittin’.” Skid reaches over me and places the president’s badge from Jimmer’s cut on the table. “He asked me to give it to ya when I visited him a few days before he left the facility at Fort Collins. It’s kinda become a tradition for me to sew these on since we lost Carly.” Maddy offers him another sad smile when he mentions her. “I thought maybe we could get ya patched up before the funeral.” I pick up the patch and squeeze it tight in my fist.

“This club needs its leader, Jess, and it ain’t just Prez who wanted it to be you. You know where to find me when ya ready.” He squeezes my shoulder again before he steps out and closes the door behind him.

“You should start gettin’ ready,” I tell Maddy blankly as I hold the president’s patch tight and wonder how the hell I’ll ever measure up to a man like Jimmer Carson. The reality is, that I won’t. No one ever could.

“Jessie.” She reaches her hand out to comfort me and I quickly stand up.

“Skid’s right, this club needs to be led, and I can’t do it.” I shake my head as my stomach knots up and my chest compresses.

“Of course, you can.” She looks so desperate for me to believe her, but she doesn’t understand how big this is.

“No, Maddy, this isn’t some ‘believe in yourself and you can achieve’ fuckin’ bullshit. This is the fuckin’ club. A president has to make life-or-death decisions and I can’t do that without him. I can’t.” I feel the sweat building under my collar.

“You can.” She stands up herself, looking real determined as she comes toward me. “Jessie, you may not have seen it, but Prez has been relying on you for a while now, probably ever since he found out he was sick. You know how to run this club, you know how to lead your brothers and you know that you're the best man for the job. This club needs you, and we need you too.” She takes my hand and presses it against her stomach, and when a tiny smile lifts on her lips I stare at her in complete shock.

“I found out three days ago.” Her smile grows wider and my world suddenly stops fuckin’ spinning.

“Are ya sure?” A smile of my own creeps its way onto my lips as everything that’s wrong with the world seems to fade into the background.

“I took a whole lot of tests, I’m sure. We made it happen, Jessie.” Maddy shrugs her shoulders and she looks so fuckin’ cute, it swallows up all the pain in my chest. I slide my hand around the back of her head and force her lips onto mine. Kissing her so hard that she starts to giggle. My body feels like I’ve just been hit up with a shot of adrenaline, my heart is soaring and suddenly all I can think about is the future.

“Why didn’t ya tell me?” I step back so I can look her over. I should have noticed, how the fuck could my wife be pregnant without me knowing about it.

“You were freaking out about all this and no time felt like a good one. I wanted it to be special, and I figured?—”

“We’re havin’ a baby.” I cut her off so I can say the words out loud. I need to hear them to believe it.

“We are, and I want to raise it right here, in this club surrounded by all our friends and family. There’s no better man than you to take the reins from Jimmer and keep us all safe. We need you to believe that.”

I let her words sink in as I touch my hand to her stomach again. We’re bringing a child into the world. A world I have to protect them from. A world I want to make better for them, and suddenly it dawns on me that she’s right. I gotta have faith in myself if I’m gonna do that.

“You stay right there.” I point my finger at her, picking up the president’s patch from the table and kissing her before I head out the door.

I rush across the yard and let myself into Skid’s cabin. He’s all alone fixing his tie in the mirror and looks a little shocked by the sudden interruption.

“Ya good?” he checks, looking concerned when I take off my cut and place it flat on his table. I pull my knife out from my belt and slice the blade under the thread that’s had my Vice President’s patch attached to the leather, before heading over to him.

“If I’m doin’ this, I’m doin’ it with you as my second.” I hold it up between us.

Skid looks at the patch I’m holding between my thumb and finger and furrows his brow. I know over the past few years he’s had to face his demons, but he’s come out fighting. He’s smart, and a steady thinker. There’s no questioning that it should be him.

“It’ll be an honor.” He nods his head, taking the patch from me and pulling me in.

“Let’s go make him proud,” I tell my VP, with a newfound confidence, and a whole lotta incentive to continue on what Jimmer Carson started.

* * *

Skid is with me when I step into the clubhouse where everyone is gathered, ready to pay their respects to Prez. Maddy smiles at me proudly when she sees the President’s patch sewn onto my cut.

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