Page 88 of Condemned Soul

“No, this ain’t Colorado’s fight. Jessie needs to focus on his charter. You need to tell him to call Raze, and remind him of the promise I made to Cliff’s son.”

“Who?”

“Raze. You tell Jessie he needs to call him and tell him that you can help him, and Wrath, find Cliff.” Kathrine takes in what I say and picks up the pen so she can write his name on her hand. “Tell Jessie to tell him…” I pause because I know what I’m about to say is gonna make Raze hate me. He can hate me all he wants as long as it makes him step up and do what I need him to.”

“Tell him that Eden is still alive.” I swallow my shame at keepin’ another secret from my brothers. But I gave a broken girl my word after I’d tracked her down and found out what Cliff had done to her.

“Okay.” Consuela nods as she takes everything in. I feel as if our time is running out and I still got so much I need to tell her.

“My nephew, Garrett, he can put ya in touch with someone who's workin’ on bringin’ down the organization too. If you’re gonna do it, you need all the help you can get. Tell him I sent ya. Tell him you will do whatever it takes. You use those exact words and you look him in the eye when you say ‘em,” I tell her firmly.

She nods as more tears build in her eyes, and I grab her and kiss her one more time.

“You're an incredible woman, Kathrine Consuela, and I’m glad to have known you, even if it was just for a short time. You're gonna change the fuckin’ world,” I smile at her and she wipes away her tears and nods back at me bravely.

“Open the door.” I nod, letting her know I’m ready.

“Okay.” She closes her eyes and takes a breath before she does as I say and lets ‘em inside.

“You ready, Mr. Carson?” Longford asks politely, as his guard steps around me and takes my elbow.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I smile bravely at the woman who I wish I could have had for longer before I allow him to escort me out.

* * *

I use the journey we make toward Denver county to think about all that I’m leaving behind. I have everything in place. Jessie and the club have some breathin’ space so they can choose the path they wanna take. The secret I swore to take to my grave is all I had left to ensure that Raze takes his seat at the head of the table in Long Beach, and knowing the man that he is, I know he’ll do it.

I don’t know what to expect when I get outta this van and throw myself into the gauntlet, but it doesn’t scare me. A man like me was never meant to die old in his bed. I’ve lived a chaotic life, and I deserve to die a chaotic death. The transport van comes to a stop and I know we’ve come to our destination when we stop for a while at what I assume is the gates, and then slowly move on. It’s too late to back out now, even if I could, I wouldn’t. What I’m doing here is far too important. I’m giving each member of my club their shot at happiness, and when I hear the loud roaring of engines coming from outside I wonder if my head is playin’ tricks on me.

The back door opens and the guard whose been seated opposite me stands up and assists me as I take a step out into the bright sunlight and cool Colorado breeze. My heart bursts with pride and I choke on the lump that forms in my throat when I see all my club brothers, on their bikes, lined up on the other side of the fence. They’re creating so much noise the ground rattles under my feet, letting me and the whole world know that no matter where I go I’ll never be alone. Jessie is right where he belongs, front and fuckin’ center and he nods his head at me as he revs his throttle. I take one last look at ‘em all. My brothers. My family. Bound not by blood, but by loyalty, and as each one of them lower their head at me. I don’t feel sad to be saying goodbye. I feel honored that I got to be a part of their journey.

The ride back to the club with me at the front feels all kinds of strange. I put on a show of strength when we said our goodbye to Prez, but inside I feel like I’m drowning. The world I’ve been living in is being swallowed up and now it’s on me to find a way to keep us on the surface. No one says a word when we get back to the club, and all heads are down as we step into the clubhouse where the girls are waiting for us. They each head to their man, offering their comfort, and when Maddy steps out the bathroom she pauses when she sees me. All the anger she had for me earlier is gone, and with tears in her eyes, she rushes toward me, throwing her arms around my neck and giving me what I need.

“I love you,” she whispers as I grip the back of her head and hold her tight against me. “I’m sorry, he wanted to tell you himself, I couldn’t take that away from him.”

“It’s okay.” I stroke my hand through her hair. I couldn’t be mad with her right now, even if I wanted to be.

“You need to call church, everyone here needs to know the truth. It makes why he’s doing this easier to understand,” she reminds me.

“I know.” I slowly pull away from her and look over to Ella. She’s holding Sophia on her lap, snuggling her uptight, with a blank look on her face. Her eyes catch mine and when I smile at her sadly she gives me one back.

“You have your mom take the kids, and help Ella speak with the girls. They need to know what’s going on too and she’s gonna need their support.” I feel a hand squeeze my shoulder and when I turn around and see Troj, I can tell from the look on his face that my best friend is worried about me.

“Gather ‘em up, I’ll see ya in church,” I tell him before kissing Maddy on her cheek and heading out. I walk the path to church with the weight of the world on my shoulders and an emptiness in my chest that I know will never go away now he ain’t here. I can’t bring myself to look at his seat when I open the door, and I take my usual place at the table while I wait for my brothers to join me. They filter in slowly and once everyone’s here and the doors closed, I realize all eyes are lookin’ at me.

“We need to vote in a new president.” The words feel like acid on my tongue as I speak ‘em.

“No, we don’t, everyone here knows who that seat belongs to,” Skid speaks up, looking at me.

“What we need is a fuckin’ plan,” Troj speaks up, managing to pull some enthusiasm outta his ass. “I was figurin’ some shit out last night. We have at least six guys in there we can rely on, I figure we could get a few guards on side too. If Prez can keep his head down…”

“Prez is gonna die!” I force the words out angrily, closing my eyes because I can’t face the looks on their faces.

“It doesn’t have to be that way. If we make his protection our?—”

“He’s got a cancerous tumor,” I cut Brax off and open my eyes to face reality. “It’s stage four, it can’t be operated on and he’s past the point of havin’ any treatment. He’s gonna die, and this is the way he’s chosen to do it,” I tell them all bluntly.

And when it all gets too much for me to fuckin’ bear, I stand up and stare at the gavel that belongs in his hand. This meeting is over, there's nothing left to talk about. But as I force my hand out to take it, they cramp up and I have to get outta there before I break.

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